Make of it What You Will

Testing, Testing....

2011-09-13T08:51:00.005-05:00

Back to school! A fresh start, new notebooks and pens, some new clothes, shoes, and a change in the weather make this a favorite time of the year for me. Since my kids start back waaaay before Labor Day, we're well into it now, and they've all even had tests. Tests are and never were my favorite. As much as I loved school, it took me a long time--really until college--to learn how to be a good student, and how to study for tests.

After a message at church a few weeks ago about Joseph (the one with the pretty coat) the idea of tests and testing has been on my mind. After he as appointed a big wig in Egypt and he saved Egypt from a famine, his brothers came to see him, not knowing he was him. Following so far? It says in Genesis (a great story, starting at chapter 37) that Joseph tested his brothers. And at church, our pastor suggested that Joseph's character can be seen as a God role, and the brothers would be us in the story. I thought, "hmmm. God tests us? Does it say He does that?" I've heard about Job, where God allowed Satan to test him, but I never considered God being the tester.

I did a search of the word "test" in the whole Bible. (Careful there, the search brought up any word with test in it, so there's some rules about testicles in Leviticus. Learning something everyday! blech.) God is indeed a tester. He tested Abraham, He tested the Israelites in the desert, He tested the men who wanted to go into battle with Gideon, He tested Hezekiah, to see what was really in his heart. That's all in the Old Testament, you say? True, but God is unchanging.

In the New Testament, we can read that there will be a sorting or separating of wheat from chaff. That sounds like some testing will be involved. (Luke 3:17) How about this little passage from Paul: "Anyone who builds on that foundation may use a variety of materials—gold, silver, jewels, wood, hay, or straw. But on the judgment day, fire will reveal what kind of work each builder has done. The fire will show if a person’s work has any value. If the work survives, that builder will receive a reward. But if the work is burned up, the builder will suffer great loss. The builder will be saved, but like someone barely escaping through a wall of flames." (I Corinthians 3:12-15 NLT) And James tells us, "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:2-4 NLT)

When Jesus came to earth and lived as a human, He had a fully human experience, and was also tested. He spent 40 days in the desert and was tempted by Satan. (Luke 4: 1-13) Being late in the game at figuring out how to test well in school, I want to get these tests of my heart right. I believe Jesus showed us by example how to take and pass the tests. Every time Satan spoke to Jesus, His reply began, "The Scriptures say..."

I must know the Word, I must remember the Word, I must say the Word, and repeat the promises that I know are true, because they're in the Word.

The End of the World As We KNow It?

2011-05-12T09:43:00.000-05:00

I heard some discussion on the radio about folks predicting Jesus will be returning on some near specific date. Didn't hear the exact date, sorry to let you down, I wish there was a rewind button on my radio. Maybe in 2012, just like the movie that came out last year? This disturbs me. I remember in 1988, there were lots of Christians believing it would happen that fall. It disturbed me then, too. So much so that I quit going to my college classes, and spent all my time hanging out with friends, doing what I wanted to do, and not doing anything that I needed to do. There were some costly consequences for my poor decisions that fall, and still more than 20 years later, I examine how I let myself believe my own lies....

I wonder how this kind of talk is impacting young people today. Is it changing their perspective? I just finished a book that took place during the Blitz in WW2, and people living in London during that time must have thought the end was in front of them (and indeed for millions of people, their world literally WAS shattered). In a time of war, survival is all that drives people. Taking classes, making a living, looking good, taking care of mere possessions, none of this matters. Some of the things that we think are important become so small. What does a young person today think is important while there is chatter in the background of life about 2012? (and I'm not talking about the Presidential election, yawn yawn.)

Regardless of how we think it's all going to come to an end, how are followers of Christ are called to respond to the end approaching? I've studied Revelation, though not super recently, and I think the main point of the book is that there is an urgency to share the Good News. There is hope. We have a Savior. God is offering the hugest gift, that matters in times of war, and in times of blessing. Have we told everyone we know about the gift? Is that important to us?

All Things Equal?

2011-04-19T08:28:00.004-05:00

Our family has gotten to know a few kids over the last couple of years who come from very different homes than ours. They're growing up in such difficult circumstances. Missing Dads, stepdads in jail, Moms working the graveyard shift in factories, food stamps, months that start with lots of money and a kitchen full of food--ending with empty cupboards and no money. None for the $5 field trip, or for a pack of gum. I was watching kids make their way down to the bus stop this morning, and wondering how this happens, that in that big group, there can be such disparity.

I recalled a heated conversation I had years ago in a college Sociology class about equal opportunity, and how that's one of the things that makes America great. The frustration comes when there may be equal opportunity, but there is not equal experience. Opportunities are there for these kids; they are getting educated, for example, but is it equal to what my kid standing at the same bus stop is getting? When my kid was a baby, I was reading to him, and singing the alphabet with him. I was doing all the things they recommended, feeding him well, sleeping him well, engaging with him. What about his friend? He grew up with drugs, and fighting, and I don't know what all.... So yes, he's getting a public education, but his starting point is so different.

This is heartbreaking. Should I feel guilty about what we have? Maybe not, but I do, a little. Do others have less because of bad choices? Yes, probably, but whose choices? When did it start? Was there never an equal footing? So then I begin to wonder if this idea of "equal opportunity" is just another very Western concept, like "privacy," something we kind of think we have a right to, because of the culture we're in. I don't know. It got me asking what God thinks about equality? What does the Bible say about it?

I did a very quick search of the word "equal" on Biblegateway.com (this is a great site, by the way) just to get an idea of how often and in what context the word shows up in the Bible. Here's what I found:
There's lots of instructions, "divide these things equally..."; there's God asking Job and Isaiah, "Is there any equal to Me?...."; there's the Pharisees upset that Jesus would claim to be equal to God. Finally, there's a parable that caught my attention, about workers all getting paid an equal amount for unequal workloads. And Jesus ties that parable up with a bow in Matthew 20:16, saying, "So the last will be first and the first will be last." Hmmm. It's not completely satisfying to me, watching the kid at the bus stop with a not-warm-enough jacket. I mean big, eternal picture, yes, it is satisfying. It's a relief to know that God has this kid, He sees, He knows. But today, in the cold wind, not as much. The cold is temporary, I know, but it's also very real. The pain is real.

The last "equal" on the list is in 2 Corinthians 8, where Paul is writing to the folks in Corinth about taking up a collection for the Lord's people. He is encouraging them to see their commitment through, to give willingly to those who need. Paul says it this way:

Here is my advice: It would be good for you to finish what you started a year ago. Last year you were the first who wanted to give, and you were the first to begin doing it. Now you should finish what you started. Let the eagerness you showed in the beginning be matched now by your giving. Give in proportion to what you have. Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. Of course, I don’t mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves. I only mean that there should be some equality. Right now you have plenty and can help those who are in need. Later, they will have plenty and can share with you when you need it. In this way, things will be equal. As the Scriptures say,
“Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over,
and those who gathered only a little had enough.” (2 Corinthians 8:10-15, NLT)

The Scriptures that Paul is quoting are from Exodus, when God provided manna to the Israelites in the wilderness. Remember that story? No one was able to collect more than they needed, and no one was lacking. There, in the desert, there was real equality, because God provided it. But in the New Testament, and today, there are some with lots, and some with little. And God does provide today, through us. So I will feed these kids when they're here at my house, and I will try to help them know they are valued and loved. And this is where faith comes in, I have to trust that while I do the bit that I can, God is working in the mighty, big-picture, eternal way that I cannot.

In Hot Pursuit

2011-01-26T13:40:00.004-06:00

While out for breakfast with friends the other morning, we got to talking about the idea that people everywhere are searching for God. That's why we have so many different religions and beliefs out there; we were made to search for something bigger and greater than us, and while all paths do not necessarily lead to the One God, all paths are trying to find a god. I'm not an expert of world religions, as a matter of fact, I understand very little about other faiths.

I get a little twitchy when it comes to discussions of other religions, partly because of my lack of knowledge. But also because while I want to be loving, I really can't embrace the whole you-do-it-your-way-and-I'll-do-it-my-way thing, since Jesus says He is the ONLY way. Either I believe that's true, or I don't. And if I believe that's true, by gum, I have an obligation to tell you so that you don't miss out. But in telling others, I can step indelicately, hurt feelings, and come off decidedly un-Jesuslike.

The one thing I do know that makes Christianity different, is that while we're all searching and thinking that we're finding a god, only the LORD--the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob--desires to be in relationship with us. He actually pursues us. I said as much that day at breakfast, and have been mulling that thought over ever since. Then this morning in my homework for a study I'm doing on the book of Jonah, I was reminded of three parables Jesus told to illustrate that while we're seeking, or even when we aren't seeking Him, He loves us and wants us to be in relationship with Him. It's amazing!

In one chapter of Luke, Jesus tells these three stories to a gathering of all kinds of people. Tax collectors, sinner-types, and religious leaders and scholars, so we know these stories are meant for all of us to hear. Check it out:

Luke 15
Parable of the Lost Sheep
Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!
So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!

Parable of the Lost Coin
“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Won’t she light a lamp and sweep the entire house and search carefully until she finds it? And when she finds it, she will call in her friends and neighbors and say, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost coin.’ In the same way, there is joy in the presence of God’s angels when even one sinner repents.”

Parable of the Lost Son
To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

“When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

“His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

I'm grateful for the lesson this morning in my study, because it's a reminder that in following Christ, I do find God, THE God who has been searching for me, and throws a party every time one of the lost ones makes their way to Him.

We'll Muddle Through, One Day at a Time

2010-11-22T15:15:00.003-06:00

I am a one-event-at-a-time kind of gal. In our family, we have 3 birthdays that fall within 3 weeks or so of each other, and I can really only tackle each one as it comes. I guess it is possible for me to juggle the details of several events at once, but I don't feel good about any of them when I do it that way. I do best when all of my attention is focused on one special day at a time. We do a lot of traveling in the summer, and I can only deal with the logistics and planning of one trip at a time. Otherwise I screw things up, like purchase airplane tickets for the wrong dates. One thing at a time. That's just how I roll.

It took me several years to figure that out about myself, and I think I've been apologizing for it ever since. But I don't think I'm going to be sorry for it anymore. This business (and that's all it is, commercial, money-making business) of Santa and Christmas bric-a-brac all over the stores before Halloween is ridiculous.

There are houses in my neighborhood with their Christmas lights up already...lit up! I mean, I can understand taking advantage of some of these 60 degree days to hang the lights, but for crying out loud, don't turn them on yet! What's the big rush? I can also understand that some folks just aren't like me, and they feel best when they can get all their shopping done by...whenever. Or maybe they must do the shopping early because they have to ship items across the country. Okay. I guess.

I can't think about Christmas until after Thanksgiving. I don't want it crowding in on Thanksgiving. And honestly, I end up dropping the ball somewhere along the way of I try to skip too far ahead. Jesus said, “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today." (Matthew 6:34 NLT) He said that right after He explained that when we make His Kingdom our priority, He will provide for all of our needs. What does all this rushing around to get a great deal and being a slave to the "to do" list have to do with His Kingdom? I'm thinking not much. I'm thinking it's a trap designed to take our eyes off of our Savior.

This year, we are hosting Thanksgiving, and I'm really excited. I love to open our doors, love to cook, love it all. And I am not going to spoil the Thanksgiving fun with the commercial Christmas hoo-hah. I'm not going to wish the day of gratitude away so that I can rush on to the next big deal. One holiday at a time, thank you very much! Ha! Get it? Thank you? Wishing you and yours a blessed Thanksgiving.

Same Object, Different Lesson

2010-11-15T15:46:00.005-06:00

Our cats are spoiled rotten, and only eat big bits of food in their bowls. I've written about this before. I'd like to train them to eat till the dish is empty, but I can only hold out so long. They get in my way, bite my toes, follow me around the house meowing, and get so annoying, I finally give in and put some fresh food in the bowl. As I am typing right now, Greta is perched on the printer, looking down on me. I kinda feel like being a mom I do a lot of teaching and training in my life, so when it comes to the cats, I just don't have the energy.

So here I am today with new pictures that tell the old story of the food situation becoming dire to Thora and Greta, even though the dishes look full to you and me. I tell them, "You know, there are starving cats in Africa who would be very glad to get the little bits that just aren't good enough for you!" A couple of years ago, I saw this as a picture of a lack of trust. The cats don't trust me to see their soon-to-be-needs, and I do the same thing with God. Worry before I need to, fail to trust Him completely.

Today, I see something else. I see the cats with bowls of food and hungry bellies, but they don't want what is there for them. They want something else. And maybe it's not so much not trusting me, and more just plain old whining at me to make it different. And of course, I recognize myself in the dissatisfaction and complaining.

I look at what is on my plate, and sometimes, I think I'd like something different, or I'd just like more put on my plate. I am hungry, I am asking God to use me, but I'd really like Him to use me in a particular way, according to my vision. And I fuss and I wait around, but in an annoying fashion like two four-legged friends of mine. But fortunately, God has limitless energy to guide and direct me, to discipline me, and He doesn't give in.

Hard Evidence

2010-11-12T13:44:00.003-06:00

I just heard a brief interview of Sara Groves on the radio today; I have loved her music for several years now. She was on Midday Connection, which is a show on Moody Radio. It is official that I'm old, by the way, because I'm listening to Moody.... You too, can be old and listen by clicking here and selecting the November 12th program. Apparently Sara was or is doing a tour playing some of her older songs, and she said in this interview that all of her songs are rock-solid, hard evidence of her faith in God, of His love for her.

This really struck me today. My reasons for blogging are: 1) to be disciplined about writing regularly, to use the gift He's given me and 2) to share how I've seen God's activity in my life and around me. I really want the writing to be about what He is doing. This last week I've been fighting with a cold and demanding calendar, trying to carve out a little time to write, and when I had the time, I couldn't think of what or how I wanted to say anything. I don't have any clever stories about how I saw God's activity on my couch with my box of Kleenex. I should, but I don't.

Feeling better today, and the "I should be writing" chant has been going through my head. I heard Sara and feel like that was a nice little gift from God, to remind me that the evidence of what He's been doing is right here! There are 176 posts on this blog so far, and more to come! Each one is evidence of His work, because He is the One who gives me the words. Every time.

Ups and Downs

2010-11-05T16:57:00.004-05:00

Here at our house, we are the reluctant caretakers of a gecko. His name is Spike.

A friend discovered this poor gecko when she almost stepped on him (it?) in her garage. He clearly either broke free or was let go, because no geckos live round these parts on their own. So, she put him in a 5-gallon bucket and asked Luke if he'd like a new pet. She had an old fish tank and everything! Luke thought this gecko would surely not live long after such a harrowing journey, so he said sure, he'd take it. He was thinking that after the gecko departed, he'd be able to talk me into some other kind of icky lizard-y, reptile thing he really wants, since we would have already invested in a lovely reptile-y, lizard-friendly environment. But Spike lives on!

Despite our neglect and complete lack of knowledge regarding his care, he has been with us for several months now. Every so often I remember he's here (he lives in the boys' room) and think, "Gee, maybe we should get some crickets," and several days later I get around to buying those crickets. He's got to be starving to death, but I guess these desert creatures can live on very little.

Admittedly, I know next to nothing about geckos, but I've observed that when it's been a while since he's been fed, Spike has trouble catching those first couple of crickets. Is he going blind? I don't know, maybe. But it seems like once he's had a few, he's better at catching them. I have a theory; I think he needs the strength from the first bit of food to be able to catch more food. Or maybe he's out of the habit? Needs to relearn how to use those skills?

I can be a bit like Spike. When digging into the Bible is neglected, it's that much harder for me to establish the habit of doing it. When I haven't been writing regularly, it is so hard to get into the groove. I have to look at the world differently, notice God's activity all around me, think of how to share it. And, once I do get going, I can keep it going, just like Spike. I'd rather live a more 3 meals-a-day, regular diet of Scripture and allowing-God-to-use-me-everyday kind of life. This letting myself get to a point of near starvation, then struggling to survive is just not ideal. But my selfishness and laziness pull me away from what is best. Ugh.

And so, taking the step of obedience to day, and looking to take it again tomorrow and the next day....

Election Day

2010-11-02T17:18:00.005-05:00

Before I left the house to vote today, I was a bit discouraged, feeling like all I was really doing was going out to cancel out the vote of someone I disagree with. It felt like the whole thing is silly, that the idea of me getting to have a voice is kind of ridiculous; it's really just a bunch of us canceling each other's voices out. Not a glass-half-full point of view. But I went to vote anyway, if only so that I could answer my children in the affirmative when they will surely ask me tonight if I've taken advantage of my civic opportunity.

Upon entering the polling place, I felt kind of like I do in the airport security line. This is not a place to make jokes, and here, in this place, at this time, you don't have the freedom to say anything that enters your mind. I filled in all my circles and turned in my ballot, and as I walked out to my car afterwards, I was overcome with a swoosh of emotion. (Isn't "swoosh" a word Nike invented? Bear with me. The writing muscles are a little rusty. ha! Metaphor mixer, am I!) Something about the seriousness of the election judges, the lack of freedom of speech in a polling place just made the freedom to vote so powerful to me. I AM so proud to be able to vote. That sticker rocks! I am so blessed to have been born when I was, where I was. It just struck me anew, walking through that parking lot.

When I think of being careful to notice the gifts God has given me, and to remember what he has done, how can I take this gigantic one for granted? I do, so easily... LORD, help me to be aware of You, and all You are doing.

Whadya Get?

2010-11-01T15:41:00.004-05:00

As of this afternoon, our house has officially recovered from Halloween. We usually have a big group that trick-or-treats together every year in our neighborhood, and we have something warm to eat afterwards. Now the dishes are clean and put away, the candy wrappers and bits of candy and crushed leaves have been vacuumed.

I think my favorite part of the whole deal is the candy sorting and swapping that takes place after trick-or-treating. The rustling of the wrappers, the kids thrilled with their haul; everyone's a winner, giving away what they don't like, and getting piles of what they do like. After everyone was gone last night, our three kids were down in the basement, still counting, sorting and sharing with each other. They even made a bucket full of candy for us, with a few of our favorites.

There is something about a big pile of candy to call your own that brings out the best in us all, right? They were so happy, getting along so well. There they sat, surrounded by what they'd been given, running their fingers through the piles of loot, and the kindness and good will overflowed.

Makes me think of 1 John 4:19, where it says "We love, because He first loved us." In those moments when I get a glimpse of what He's done for me, what He's given, what I have because of Him, when I take a minute to run my fingers through it... then the love overflows for others around me. I'm really trying to be aware of God's activity around me, to take note and remember it!

Back in the Saddle

2010-10-29T12:37:00.004-05:00

Writers write. That's what they say. I haven't written in forever. I've been reminded this week of the concept of a long obedience. It's the idea that obedience isn't always a one-shot deal. Many times, life as a follower of Christ requires obeying today, and again tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. It comes from a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche that goes something like this: "The essential thing "in heaven and earth" is...that there should be a long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living."

Writing is a weird thing for me. It's a gift I've been given, I think, and so, I'm supposed to use it to build up and benefit the body of Christ. I haven't been using it, for lots of different reasons, but I think they all boil down to really not being obedient. I'm a gonna' get back on the horse. I'm going to try to obey in that "long obedience in a same direction" way... today, and again tomorrow, and so on. Except not actually tomorrow, ha! Monday through Friday, so there ya go. That's my explanation for why I'm back. And since I created this blog long ago to be a place where I share God's activity in and around me, I guess I'll get to it.

Earlier this week, we had some serious weather. Wind, mostly. 70 mile-per-hour gusts. It was positively spooky to be outside; things that were supposed to be still were flying all around, trees down, construction barrels rolling this way and that. Luckily for Lily's teacher at school, this was the week they were studying weather in science. Lily made a beautiful chart where she tracked the wind speed and temperature. She thought it was so funny to see completely different things outside depending on whether you looked out the front window or the back window. In the front, the tree has not one single leaf left, and the branches don't look like they move much in the wind. In the back, wow, could you see the weather! The big maple, whose leaves haven't even changed color yet, looked like someone with crazy hair blowing all over.

My, how appearances can deceive. The wind was windy everywhere, front and back. But it didn't look like that when you looked out the front window, because there wasn't much catching the wind. How many times, and in how many ways do I think I know what I'm seeing, forgetting that I have a limited perspective? Changing our perspective, where and how we look at things makes all the difference. We make decisions based on what we see, from our perspective. And God's perspective? Right, He can see everything, front and back.

Flour in my Hair

2009-12-16T14:32:00.005-06:00

The little drummer boy has always been right there with Santa and Rudolph in my mind... made up characters that are all over Christmas, but don't really have much to do with the real story of Christmas. That little fella has been more annoying, however, because he claims to be part of the birth of Christ, but he's a fake! He wasn't there, he's not in the Bible anywhere.

But I was listening to my favorite cookie-baking CD today, Mercy Me's The Christmas Sessions, and was struck by that little dummer boy. There I was, minding my own business, trying to get another thing checked off of my ginormous Christmas to-do list, and he smacked me right up side the head. Something about Mercy Me's version, I think, because in the chorus, there's less emphasis on the Rum pa pum pum, and more on asking, "Shall I play for you?" And the final line of the song they sing, "I played my best for Christ, then He smiled at me."

Hmmm. There I was elbows deep in flour and mess, trying to make these cookies that are ridiculously hard to manage, thinking about what else needs to be done--and for what? Is it for Him? Oh how easy it is to get caught up with the wrong motivations. And how He longs to smile at us when we have our eyes in the right direction.

And here I've been giving the little drummer boy a bad rap for being a Christmas fake. May we all play our best for Christ, during the Christmas Season, and throughout the year.

photo credit to Lacey Dahlstrom

I Give Up

2009-11-15T08:08:00.004-06:00

Surrender sounds like a passive word. Seems like it's another way of saying, "do nothing." In this adventure of trying to be a fully committed follower of Christ, to be His, there's a lot of surrendering goin' on. I must surrender my will, my self, my picture of how things should turn out, my grudges--lay it all down and trust Him to take care of it. Surrendering is something I've thought about and written about, and been working to do for quite a while. And that's the way it's supposed to be, Jesus said we'll need to do it daily. Surrendering isn't a check on the to-do list, it's a way of living.

The new ah-hah moment for me this past weekend is this: surrendering is NOT passive. It isn't doing nothing at all. Waving the white flag isn't doing nothing, walking across the lines and holding up your hands, that isn't nothing. That's taking steps in a new, different direction. And it's scary. Maybe a little lonely. And there's some loss involved, so it's sad, there may be some grieving.

Sometimes surrendering is a relief. There's all this stuff, this burden I've been carrying around, and thank You, Jesus, I can lay it all down before You. There's a freeing lightening of the big, heavy load. But this weekend, I've felt this fear, loneliness, and sadness. It's been troubling, and I've been asking God what's the deal? Where's the joy? I'm trying so hard to surrender, where's the pay-off?

But I'm thinking this morning, that maybe this is what surrender feels like, too. Really giving something up means a real death of sorts. And really trusting, really having faith, is believing God has something so much better for me than my dreams when I kind of liked them, and miss them for a while.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

2009-10-28T08:47:00.003-05:00

I was just saying to Scott last night that one of our cats, Greta, has never mastered that getting-out-of-the-way thing that cats typically do. Usually, cats slink around and anticipate your moves, sliding out of the way at the last second. Not Greta. She gets stepped on regularly, and she places herself right in the middle of doorways and stairs. We are often contorting ourselves to step around her. Goofy cat.

She likes to be right in the thick of things. This is especially true if she thinks she might be able to see the bottom of her dish, if she feels it may be coming perilously close to empty. Regardless of the state of her dish, though, she follows me around and I am always in her line of sight. Not big on meowing--unless you pick her up or step on her--she just makes her presence known by getting in the way. It occurs to me this morning that she may be on to something.

Ever notice how sometimes everything you read and hear is sending the same message? I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study of the book of Esther, our series at church has been on the last chapter of Philippians and all about joy, and I just finished Phil Vischer's book, Me, Myself and Bob, about the rise and fall of the company he started, Big Idea, makers of VeggieTales. God has a beautiful way of getting His message through, loud and clear--even if it takes three different messengers! (and if you count Greta, four)

So here's what I've been hearing: We have to get to the place where only God is enough. He have to wait on Him, not the stuff, event, job, etc. Waiting on Him means giving up ALL the self stuff, including our dreams, even dreams He may have given us, and being completely and totally about Him. Loving with all we've got and all we are: mind, heart, soul, strength. I believe this with my head, I have for years. But living it out in a practical way is tougher for me. I don't know exactly what it looks like to wait on the LORD every moment, you know, while doing laundry, making lunches and racing for the bus, being a chauffeur, vacuuming, shopping, taking a shower, reading or watching tv, whatever....

Yes, I can be prayerful while I do these things, and sometimes I do a good job there. But waiting on HIM, rather than the next thing is kind of what was an eye-opener for me. I don't like the waiting part, I like the results part. But in the waiting is where we hear and see Him. If we don't wait, we miss it, our focus not on Him, but on the results.

And then I see Greta. She waits on me. She is singularly focused, following me, looking at me, watching for where I'll go next, gets in my face and makes me love her. Even as she's doing other things, like watching the squirrels out the window, she has one ear cocked toward me. Even when the dish is full. Maybe that's how I need to wait on the LORD. Singularly focused on Him, always listening for His direction, always looking for Him. And even if I'm in His way, He won't step on me, He'll redirect me. "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Proverbs 37:23 NLT Wow, He is so good.

Magic School Bus

2009-10-23T07:00:00.003-05:00

How can it be that the bus stop stirs up so much in me? Am I a kook? That's a rhetorical question. There is something about the kids walking away, going somewhere else, away from me, to grow and learn... I have a love/hate thing going with it. I love that they're becoming their own people, going off into the world for just a little while. I hate that it's a reminder that someday they'll do it for real. They'll grow all the way up, or at least go all the way away. Their care will be beyond my jurisdiction.

I was thinking this morning about how my kids walk to the bus stop differently in the mornings:
I have one who wants me to be at the bus stop, or be watching it until the bus comes. Love that I'm still wanted, "needed," and you know, a little fresh air won't kill me in the morning. Hate that I'm often in the driveway or walking down the street in my jammies, that the weather is getting yukky, and hate that I suspect a little bit of a power/control thing, getting mom to do our bidding.

I have another one who kisses me good bye, professes love for me, and walks out the door, never looking back. Love the confidence, and the readiness to start the day. I like to think some of it comes from knowing there's love at home. Hate that there isn't even one tiny bit of needing me once the threshold has been crossed. I feel out of sight and out of mind.

And finally, I have one who bounds out the door, adjusting jacket and backpack, all a little discombobulated, gets to the end of the driveway, turns and goes about 10 paces or so down the street, and ALWAYS, like a reflex, looks back to see if I'm watching, and gives me a wave. Ok, I just love everything about this departure. It makes me smile every morning. But I still get that squishy feeling as the steps take my baby farther and farther away.

The Bible reminds us in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for love, and a time for hate. It doesn't mention this battle in my heart where I'm engaged in both at the same time. But that same passage in the third chapter is about seasons. I think my struggle is now and has often been to fully appreciate the season that I'm in right now. Not anxiously awaiting the next thing, and being completely IN the season I'm in. So maybe loving and hating simultaneously is how I do it. I don't know.

At the end of his whole "there's a time for this and a time for that" message, Solomon says, "What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God." (Ecclesiastes 3:9-13)NLT

Oh Lord, help me enjoy the gifts that these children are, and help me to remember the WHOLE SCOPE of Your work, here on our street, in our home, in our lives.

And, Action!

2009-10-01T13:49:00.004-05:00

I was reminded again today of how very, very important it is to keep a record of the things God is doing in your life. Some call this "journaling." Some people can do that, and some really enjoy writing out their prayers, or dumping feelings all over a page. If that's not you, don't sweat it. Does the very mention of the j-word make you twitchy? Let me offer some encouragement to you.

For starters, call it something else! It can be just a pad of paper, or a folder full of scraps of paper, written in the car in a hurry. And take the pressure off of yourself to meaningfully write beautiful prose.... You can jot down a few words that will be a reminder to you. Bullet points are a beautiful thing; you don't have to write a whole story. It's for you, so no need to impress anyone, ya know? Think of facebook status updates, or tweets on twitter. Did God open the door today for you to have a conversation with someone? Did you see an answered prayer? One sentence will do.

Jesus warned about getting stuck spiritually in His parable about the farmer scattering seeds. When he explained the meaning of the parable to His disciples, He said, "The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity." (Luke 8:14 NLT) This life is full of legitimate cares. Bills have to be paid, kids have to be taken care of, work has to be done. In all those cares, we can rejoice in the moment of seeing God's activity, and then bounce right on to the next care. Remembering His love and activity can help keep those cares from crowding out His Good News.

There is such value in having a tangible record of God's activity that you can hold in your hands, look back at and remember, and see what He did. When you're keeping track, you'll be amazed at how His work in you starts to stack up! And what a blessing, during times of doubt and questioning, to be able to look back and see proof, to read in your own handwriting what He did in your life. He was active in the past and He is active today.

Can I Hear You Now?

2009-09-16T10:57:00.003-05:00

Scott spent an intense 3 days in Berkeley, CA at a seminar titled, "Unlearning Racism" last weekend. He arrived home at about 1:00 Monday morning, and had to go to work after a few hours sleep, so there hasn't been a lot of time for him to tell me all about it. It was one of those "hard-to-put it-into-words" kind of deals. Bits and pieces are coming out of him....

One of the important lessons he has shared with me is about how people listen to each other. There are things we do, in conversation, that shut down communication. Sometimes we shut it down because there are things that just seem too hard to talk about or hear, or we can just be so busy with our eyes on our own selves that we close the door on someone else's story.

This makes me wonder about my own conversations with God. Am I shutting His voice down? Where are my eyes looking? Something to think about.

Where to Begin?

2009-09-01T11:32:00.003-05:00

Oh, the things I've been meaning to do: e-mails that need to be sent, the stack of books to read, the linen closet that is screaming for reorganization, and on and on. It's amazing to me how the days slip by, the immediate needs pressing for attention just crowd out all the other stuff. All those things I've been meaning to do are left untouched, after weeks. I want to use the time God's given me well. I want to be in an obedient posture, ready for God to use me wherever He may lead, and yet I feel whole days and weeks get eaten up by the events of today or prepping for tomorrow.

Sometimes my reaction to this is to be stubborn about the calendar. I get sort of passive/aggressive with it, unwilling to fill up the month, but that's silly. We need to have the soccer games written on there, or else I end up having us in two places at once. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, and start making lists so I can feel some control. Scott and I heard in a Sunday School class once years ago that what Satan does is "rob us of the now." How true. I want to remember that this is the day that the LORD made, I want to rejoice and be glad in it.

The best way to do that, for me, is to start the day with Him. Begin with my eyes looking up, rather than at the calendar and lists... so easy to say, but harder to drag myself out of bed in the dark to get those few moments before the pressing begins. It's worked for me in the past, so with the new school year, I'm getting back on track! Decided to start reading some books of the Bible I've never read before.. Joel, Amos & Obediah. I'll go through them slowly, and ask Him to show me what I need to see. He honors that prayer. Everytime.

Family Adventure!

2009-08-24T11:44:00.003-05:00

We call it a "Family Adventure" when we're off to try something we haven't done before, or when the plans aren't completely solid and we'll be winging it. It's sort of a signal to the kids that we don't have all the answers, and we'll all find out as we go. Yesterday, we were racing to get home from my parents house (an almost 4 hour drive) so the boys would be home in time for their fantasy football draft (or some such thing).

Scott and I have noticed over the last couple of months that our gas gauge (an old-fashioned needle kind) is acting a little quirky in its old age... you know where this is going, right? I was driving along with the cruise set at about 74mph, and the gas thingy said we had more than half a tank, which I knew wasn't right, since we'd been driving 2 hours and had a half tank when we pulled out of my parents' driveway. We were about 5 miles away from the oasis, and had decided we'd better stop and fill up, since how much gas we had was a bit of a mystery. (and mama had to go potty) Yeah. Well. I've never run out of gas before, until yesterday.

The cruise was still on, but the spedometer started creeping down. I turned off the cruise, stepped on the gas pedal, and it kept going down!! THEN, the low fuel light goes on and the needle is below the E. Um, yes. Thank you very much Mr. Indicator Light. I turned on the hazards, made my way over to the shoulder, and Scott and I are frantically searching our brains for everything we've ever learned about what to do when you run out of gas. Turn off the air, radio, and dvd player. Jiggle the steering wheel to move those last few drops of gas around in the tank, just let her roll down the road as far as she'll go...

I coasted down the shoulder with the hazards blinking, until Scott saw a house near the highway, on the other side of the tall grasses and barbed-wire fence. "Stop here! Maybe I can get some help at this house." So Scott jumps out to go look for help, and I turn around and start praying with the kids. "OK, well, you know what this is? It's a Family Adventure!" The people in the house were actually in their driveway, getting ready to leave, and Scott waved and yelled, and they noticed him (Yay!) but alas, they did not think they had any gas. A few minutes pass by, Scott waiting by the fence, them looking around to see what they can find, me and the kids praying and waiting...

They found a little gas can with a couple of inches of gas in it, handed it over the fence, and we all hoped and prayed it would be enough. The VERY helpful Good Samaritan guy on the other side of the fence thought if we could get it started, we'd be able to make it the 3 miles to the oasis. Scott poured every drop out of that baby into our tank, ran back with the empty can to our rescuers, ran back to the car, and after 3 attempts, the fourth time the engine turned over. Insert HUGE deep breath here. We made our way to the gas station, still praying and thanking God for the help, had to wait in line for an open pump !!! and finally filled up our trusty blue steed.

And now for the reason why I would tell you this story: It's the reason I started this blog in the first place, to bear witness to the ways God is active in our lives. We saw God provide for us in a million ways yesterday! WHERE we ran out of gas was a gift; WHEN we ran out was a gift--a few minutes later and those folks would not have been home; even the fact that Scott was wearing the brightest golf shirt he owns yesterday is a gift--the friendly people saw him at the fence, and the trucks whizzing by while he was pouring the gas saw him from far away. The whole ordeal really only cost us about 15 minutes. That's incredible. And that's what God does, He does things we can't wrap our minds around. He is miraculous! When we're part of His family, the Adventures are the greatest.

Goodbye, John Hughes

2009-08-08T09:36:00.003-05:00

I am 41 years old, went to high school in the northern suburbs of Chicago, and in 1984, when Sixteen Candles came out, I was a sophomore. It actually came out on VHS when we all turned sixteen, and we watched it over and over and over at Polly's house. So of course, I am and always have been a huge John Hughes fan.

So sad to hear of his sudden passing, because I always hoped he'd write one more thing--a book or movie, whatever--that would teach some more lessons he's learned in life. He wrote such great, true characters, and told their stories in an honest way. I say hooray for him that he left Hollywood and it's crap.

All the talk these last few days have been about the teen angst movies, which were great and perfectly timed for me, but my all-time favorite John Hughes movie is She's Having a Baby. I posted about it before here. I just thought that I'd sing the praises once more of this beautiful picture of marriage, cuz, as usual, the press is all about the easiest, biggest, and most obvious.

Here's a link to a great story about him and a girl who became his pen pal for a couple of years...

It's Been Such a Long Time...

2009-07-23T07:52:00.004-05:00

Life is noisier in the summer. It feels like I'm always trying to catch up... the laundry, the mess, the food... I have trouble stringing two thoughts together. We blow in and out of town and the summer keeps rolling by; the kids' legs keep getting longer. Evidence of God's activity in my life? It's everywhere. This home, this family, this noisy-for-a-season life.

Inspired...

2009-06-03T20:26:00.003-05:00

...by the latest issue of "Everyday Food" and looking forward to making this again with fresh-picked strawberries, this summer.

Short Thought for Today

2009-05-28T11:39:00.003-05:00

A parenting tip I picked up somewhere (or maybe I thought of it myself? I doubt that.): I don't always have to get on every roller coaster ride with my child. I can meet for him at the end of the ride--love him, support him, listen to all the tales of the ups, downs, twists and turns--but I don't actually have to GO ON the ride. Hmmm. There are some rides I want to go on too, or maybe a few where I should be alongside, but I don't have to get on all of them. And I believe this philosophy works in all relationships.

What Do You Have in Your Hand?

2009-05-27T11:48:00.003-05:00

Wow, was last week crazy for our family. I would love to share all the ways we saw God at work, but the stories aren't really mine to tell. They belong to Scott and to Lars mostly. I can say that we were amazed at God's activity; His perfect timing, the people He placed in our paths... I'm over and over awed by how much God loves imperfect, prideful, quick-to-doubt me.

I love how God teaches through connections of real life experiences, His word, from other people's stories and from our own. I've been thinking through an idea this last week that I can share. The connections that led me to it? Reading The Hole in Our Gospel, the study I'm doing in Proverbs, and some of the events of last week. A million times I've written about the importance of "intentionality." As a parent, a wife, a daughter, a neighbor, a follower of Christ, I gotta' be doing what I'm doing on purpose. I must pay attention to what I do (or don't do, in some cases), be aware, and be decisive. This is a drum I've been banging for quite some time, but I happened upon another one, the drum right next to the intentionality one.

The action step that has to follow intentionality is surrendering. I think intentionality happens in your head, and heart, and surrendering is more active. Surrender happens when you open your hand--the one that's hanging on to the thing you're clinging to--and let go. I guess I've written and thought a lot about surrendering, too, but this is a new thing for me to see intentionality and surrender together, as a two-step process. I found it in Proverbs 21:5, where it says in the New Living Translation, "Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty." I think the good planning is being intentional, and hard work is surrendering.

Here's a benign example: if I decide to be intentional about getting into shape, I need to set my mind to it. I need to be intentional about how I grocery shop, what I put into my mouth, and how I incorporate more physical activity into my day. But to really get over that hump, there's some things I have to surrender. I have to let go of the bigger portions and the bowl of ice cream that I really, really want after the kids are in bed. I have to put on my shoes and go for a walk, give up some of "my" time and get moving. The intentionality is a very important first step, but to make real progress, I have to be willing to give up some behaviors, and deny that voice in me that says, "mine. mine. mine." Makes me think of the sea gulls in Finding Nemo. And what happened to them?

Book Review--The Hole in Our Gospel: What Does God Expect of Us? The Answer that Changed My Life and Might Just Change the World

2009-05-18T09:00:00.005-05:00

Someone close to me saw that I was reading The Hole in our Gospel and said, "Oh great, another book by some rich guy, who, after he'd made his millions, then decided to take his faith seriously..." Richard Stearns is a rich guy, who did radically change his priorities and the lifestyle his family was living, after working as a CEO of a big-wig company for many years. But when he took the position as the President of World Vision, he came to see some truths that are applicable to all followers of Christ, regardless of income or career path.

The thrust of the book is that we have a tendency to take the Gospel (the Good News, that Christ is our salvation, that His Kingdom is real and the life He offers is forever and abundant!) and mold it into what is comfortable, leaving out the parts that require surrender... leaving a gaping hole that is breaking the heart of God. In the introduction he explains that,

"the good news was meant to change the world. Belief is not enough. Worship is not enough. Personal morality is not enough. And Christian community is not enough. God has always demanded more. When we committed ourselves to following Christ, we also committed to living our lives in such a way that a watching world would catch a glimpse of God's character--His love, justice, and mercy--through our words, actions, and behavior....Living out our faith privately was never meant to be an option." (pg. 3)

The book spells out exactly what the conditions are in developing countries, what poverty looks like and how it impacts entire villages and cultures. And Stearns shows lots of ways we can begin to live out the whole gospel, in big and small ways. He tells his own story of how he was confronted with the whole gospel, when he was asked to consider the position of President of World Vision, and how he saw the hole in his own walk, despite his desire to be a fully committed Christian.

I love a section where he explores the debate over faith and works... and how he boils it down: "But faith and works were never meant to be in dichotomy.... Simply put, we are saved by faith, saved for works." (pg 198-9) Our faith is what saves us, but our works are where our faith is demonstrated. The idea of our faith being something just for us is really missing the boat.

Stearns writes honestly and it feels like you can hear his voice. He shares how he was driven to succeed, and when he became a Christian and how that changed his life. He challenges us all to look at our own stories. Who are our neighbors, and how are our lives giving them a glimpse of God's character?

I reviewed this book as part of Thomas Nelson's Book Review Blogger Program. You can get more info about the program at http://brb.thomasnelson.com and more info about the book itself at http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/product_detail.asp?sku=0785229183

One of These Things is Not Like the Other One...

2009-05-07T11:53:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I caught just the tail end of a radio interview. I don't know who was talking, but it was about managing finances and getting out of debt. I heard the interviewee say that he and his wife had purposed to live differently, and it was this conviction that helped them get out of debt. He described the difficulties, and sacrifices they made and said, "You know, when you decide you're gonna' live differently, then you're gonna' live different, you're not going to do things the same way, and you won't look like everybody else."

This idea has been rattling around in my brain ever since. It's an idea that covers much more than just the financial realm of our lives. We do, in our family, purpose to live differently. To live in this world, but to be motivated differently, and make decisions differently. Hopefully our speech and the way we treat each other sounds different. The way we make and spend money may look different. In our management of time we strive to be different.

Over and over in the New Testament, it is made clear that we are to live here in this world, be engaged here in this world (in other words, we aren't supposed to create little worlds of our own, isolated from others--that Fundamentalist Mormon commune in Texas comes to mind) but we aren't to be overcome by the world and worldly ways. Tricky business, it is. When people talk about changed lives, and transformation, this is it. Living differently.

I guess it goes back to the idea of intentionality. Recognizing that with each action or inaction, we are making choices that are leading us closer to or farther away from worldly ways. So our thoughts about it are important. Using our minds and being aware of what we're doing helps us be different. But when we are followers of Christ and accept His salvation, we also have a resource to help us in our endeavors--the Holy Spirit. So there's more to it than just being intentional. We also must surrender our selves, and seek the help that God has given us.

Just thought I'd spill the rattling contents of my brain out...
How do you live differently?

Good Morning, World!

2009-04-28T08:38:00.004-05:00

The stated purpose of this blog is to "bear witness to the ways God moves in my life, and you can... 'make of it what you will.'" After a few days of warmer temperatures and some sun, today we woke up to a gloomy 40 degrees, with some sprinkling to boot. God moves in my life through my kids. This morning, He gave me the gift of laughter with Lily. Thank You, LORD!

Happy Earth Day

2009-04-22T09:58:00.004-05:00

Wishing Lily a Happy Earth Day over breakfast this morning, she instructed me to turn the lights off for at least one hour today. Hmmm. It seemed like a good time to talk about how this day is a nice day to think about taking care of the Earth, but that we really should be good stewards every day, not just this one day a year.

But, in honor of this special day, Lily wanted to wear a shirt from her old school, a charter school with an environmental focus. Earth Day had her feeling sentimental. She was only there for kindergarten, so all of the spirit wear purchased for her (read, pink) has long been outgrown. We got out the one shirt we have left that fits her, and she proudly went to school in it, "even though it is a boy shirt, I like it." We certainly believe in reusing around here!

This shirt was originally purchased for Lars...
and then Luke wore it... and finally, today, Lily is wearing it.

Another Lesson from Thora

2009-04-21T13:06:00.004-05:00

Sharing our home with two cats brings me joy in lots of ways. When I'm home alone, I'm really not all by myself. I have these two quirky, warm, sometimes snuggly, sometimes wild companions. I talk to Greta and Thora, and they follow me around the house, supervising my activities. They sleep most of the time, but always do it in whatever room I happen to be in. Every now and then, they'll teach me a thing or two.

Today I sat down at the computer and started to listen to a sermon on-line. I was listening with one ear, and thinking about doing a couple of things at the same time. Just as I was about to get up, Thora jumped up on my lap, in desperate need of attention. She forced me to stay put, slowed me down, and I gave the sermon both of my ears. It was good teaching I needed to hear.
Fortunately, the camera was in reach, so I could snap a pic of her. She's a good kitty. She knew exactly what I needed.

Easter = New Life

2009-04-15T10:15:00.004-05:00

During the end of the kids' Spring Break, we went to see my parents in Galesburg. My Grandmother (technically, my mom's step-mom, who had been living with my parents the last two years) had a stroke on March 14th. The day we arrived in Galesburg, she had been transferred out of the hospital and into a nursing home. She requires around-the-clock care that my parents just aren't qualified to provide at this point. We visited her several times each day of our stay, bringing new artwork from Lily, and other things to make her room feel less institutional.

For the last at least 40 or 50 years, various people in her life (her sister, my folks, me, my brother, a cousin.. that I know of...) have shared the Gospel with her. Her response was always something along the line of, "I don't need that, I'm a good person." Sometimes her responses would be a crankier version of that, other times a contemplative no thanks.

But one evening, while we were saying good night, my dad asked if he could pray for her, and she said yes. Ever since she'd been in the hospital, this had become a sort of nightly thing for them. We were all there, so we gathered around her (me, my parents, and all three kids) and put a hand on her. While praying, my dad asked her if she'd like to ask Jesus into her heart. Would you believe it? She said yes! Right there! The kids got to hear and see this great thing happening. She repeated after my dad, simply saying, "Jesus, come into my heart." And she cried afterwards. I really sensed that it was a moment of surrender for her. Mentally, she has good and bad days, but she knew what she was doing that night, and she remembers it, knows what it meant.

Leave it to me to take an exciting moment like this, analyze it to death, and find some sadness in it. That's what I've done. It is a wonderful thing that her eternal life is secure. It is. And I'm thrilled that my kids got to be there to see it happen. But it saddens me a bit, because she's at the end of her life, and she will (most likely) miss out on the chance to actually follow Christ. You see, I don't think salvation is just a ticket to heaven, or, as I've heard it called, a "fire insurance policy." It's a chance to be in relationship with Him, to know Him better, to follow His plans for your life, and enjoy the blessings he has for you. It's a chance to see the fruit of the Spirit flow from the Spirit out of you...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, all those good things we can't manufacture or sustain on our own.

There's more to it than uttering that prayer, at least I think that's God's hope and design--that there be more to it. I'm not saying that once you've accepted His salvation you have to become a certain kind of person, or follow a prescribed list of rules. But God is in the heart-changing business, and if you wait til the end of your life, you missed out.

2009-04-01T08:08:00.002-05:00

Lily just saw a commercial for Jenny Jones, and declares that I should not lose weight. If I got "all skinny like that," (this was a commercial starring Phylicia Rashad, who, after her 21 lb. loss is still looking curvy and healthy) Lily worries I won't have a good lap, won't be as "comfortable" anymore.

Sheeesh.

Thanks for the Memories

2009-03-06T11:48:00.004-06:00

It's a funny thing, how the memory works. We don't really get to chose what our minds will hold onto, and what they'll let flitter away without us even noticing. And how about those childhood things you remember as always happening, that in reality only occurred a few times? When it was my turn to wash the dishes as a kid, I hated the icky remnants of food floating around in the sink full of soapy water. Didn't want to touch any of that with my hands. I seem to remember that my older brother would always throw a few saltines in there, just to gross me out. But how many times did he really do that? I doubt that my hysterical reaction was enough incentive for him to do it every time I washed the dishes.

We don't get to choose what someone else will remember about us, either. At a junior high school reunion a few years ago (yes, jr, high, not high school. I went to big schools.) I was surprised by the things people would say that they remembered about me. Stuff I had completely forgotten about, like the way I wrote on the board every morning, "Smile, it's Happy Tuesday Day!", or "Wednesday is Prince spaghetti Day!" , etc. Alas, I was that girl. There are people who have snapshots in their minds of who you are, based on memories of things you don't even remember you did. Strange.

I wonder what pieces of growing up my kids will hold onto. And what memories of them my brain will keep. I have always loved reading, from the moment I figured out how to do it. One favorite series as a little girl was Carolyn Haywood's books about Betsy and her friends Billy and Ellen. But I'd forgotten all about her, couldn't even think of Haywood's name.

We went to the library last night, and Lily was looking for a real chapter book, that she could read on her own. She's read a few Juney B. Jones books, but she wanted something bigger to hold in her hands, I think. Those are little paperbacks, and she wants to feel more like her older brothers. I suddenly remembered about Betsy, and found those oldies but goodies on the shelf. (I typed "Betsy" into the search thingy, and there was my old favorite.) Lily thought it looked good; it's a hardback, with 159 pages, and she's off. She's liking Betsy, too!

I snapped this pic of her this morning, walking to the bus stop by herself this year, because Luke goes to a different building at a different time. I want to hold onto the image of them happily, confidently heading off to school knowing they're loved. She's just growing up, my Lily, and getting old enough to find her own favorite authors, have her own memories now.

Woot! Woot! Chugga' Chugga'

2009-03-04T12:55:00.005-06:00

Another bunch of loose threads in my head that maybe tie together somehow... Wanna' go for a ride on my train of thought? Scott and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire this weekend, happened to see the movie The Kingdom also, and heard a clip of Rush Limbaugh speaking at some conservative shindig somewhere, and I'm reading about David in 2 Samuel.

Slumdog tells the story of a boy growing up in the slums of India, and The Kingdom gives a glimpse of life in Saudi Arabia. I was struck by the darkness in these cultures...or more so by how the darkness is just out there, where everyone can see it. The millions of people living in the slums of India are not hidden, there's miles and miles of "homes" with a piece of blue tarp for a roof, there's filth and greed, and cheating, it's every man for himself, etc. And the people who live in Saudi Arabia with men walking the streets armed to the teeth, boys raised to hate people who don't pray to the same god... The awfulness is out in the open. We don't see that stuff here in the US. If it's here, you have to look for it. The images in these movies shock, and stick with you.

I just heard a snippet of Limbaugh while flipping channels. He was saying that our country, as young as it is, is so much better--wealthier, freer, healthier--than all these others, and he asked, "why is that? We all have the same human make-up, we aren't more evolved than any one else." (or he said something like that) I didn't see anymore, so I don't know Rush's answer to his questions, and have no doubt that he thinks he knows the answer. I saw this clip as I was digesting the contrast of life growing up for these kids in India and my own kids here in white bread suburbia. Why is it like this?

Reading through the stories of David's life, I see how God loved him and protected him, but also taught him and let him make mistakes and experience the consequences. Ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, there has been darkness in the world. Sometimes it covers miles and miles, or it's right in your face, baring its ugly teeth. Other times it's covered up, or dressed up and disguised. But there's darkness everywhere. But God's love and protection are everywhere, too. We only have to accept it. Here's what David said about how the darkness impacts God...

I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!
If I go up to heaven, you are there;
if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.
If I ride the wings of the morning,
if I dwell by the farthest oceans,
even there your hand will guide me,
and your strength will support me.
I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

Psalm 139:7-12

It doesn't impact God! He sees through it all. I don't understand why things are the way they are. I can't find the answer (maybe if I'd listened to Rush a bit longer, it'd be crystal clear, ha!) but maybe it's one of those questions that needn't be answered now. Maybe it's the love and protection we need to embrace for the here and now.

Loosen My Grip, Lord

2009-02-24T09:33:00.004-06:00

A few things swirling around in my head today. Just things that have happened to people we know recently and what I've been reading and watching, it's all got me thinking. I just finished reading The Shack, (took me forEVER), I saw a quirky little movie called Then She Found Me, and have been studying the Psalms of Ascent--15 songs the Israelites would sing on their pilgrimages to Jerusalem, Psalms 120-134--in Beth Moore's Stepping Up. The recurring theme? Betrayal and Forgiveness. Sometimes I go deep.

Betrayal happens. In our imperfect human-ness, we hurt others. Sometimes it happens when we don't mean for it to, and sometimes we know exactly the impact our actions or words will make on another, and out of anger or our own pain, we let them have it. Zing. We have all done it, and we have all had it done to us. But what to do with it when it happens?

I think there have been studies to make this point, and the Bible makes it clear that holding onto your anger wrecks you. Sometimes you take others down with you. Forgiveness is the only way to find relief. In the movie I saw, the main character has to "make peace" in order to move on with her life. I think we all believe in the concept of forgiveness, and making peace, but the practice of forgiving someone else is slippery. Your head may buy the idea, but hearts can be slow to follow.

I love a conversation towards the end of The Shack, where Mack, who has been done wrong by someone else, is talking to God about what it means to forgive them. God gently explains to Mack what forgiveness isn't. It isn't embracing that other person, or deepening the relationship. It isn't saying the actions were ok, or even forgotten. These things might all happen over time, but the initial act of forgiving someone is much smaller, more simple, a tiny step. It is described in The Shack as removing your hand from that other person's throat. Taking your hand off, and trusting that God knows what has happened; who was wrong. And, we may have to peel our hands off one finger at a time, we may struggle, but as we let go of that person's throat, we let go of the weight of the anger.

Over and over we can read in the Psalms about how David and his people have been mistreated, and how God sees and protects them. And we also see how God forgives the Israelites when they fall short of the mark. We learn from the Psalms that it's ok to complain and cry out to God when we're hurt. I think this is an important step in the peeling away of those fingers. Because when you know God knows, it's easier to trust Him to handle it.

The idea of "making peace" is a funny one to me. Peace is one of the fruit of the Spirit. It's something that grows or flows from the Spirit within us. We cannot manufacture peace on our own. We, alone, with our own head and heart and nothing else, can't make peace. We can unwrap our fingers, though.

Pearls of Wisdom?

2009-02-23T10:53:00.006-06:00

So when the advertising people came to our house a couple of weeks ago, they were looking for funny stories of morning craziness, and pearls of maternal wisdom. I don't know if they found what they were looking for here. By the time I had talked for an hour, saying what felt like the same things over and over--therefore boring myself (hopefully not others) to tears with my own voice and ideas--I just can't say whether or not there was any wisdom, funniness, or craziness. I have since thought of all the things I should have said...

Something that surprised me years ago as a new mom, was that once we established and slid into a nice routine, like with naps or eating, that "schedule" would only last for 3 months or so. Our growing baby would grow right out of his groove, and we needed to adjust to the next groove. I think this has been true for twelve and a half years. Maybe we go longer than 3 months now, but with 5 personalities filling this house, there's always shifting and flexing, while you juggle all the balls and try to maintain stability at the same time. That's what it means to be part of a family. Or part of any organization made up of many individuals-- a church, a school, a small group Bible study, a business, you get the idea.

I heard or read during those hazy new mom days that a child will ask a thousand times a day in a thousand different ways, "Do you love me?" and "Who's in charge?" So my job is to answer those questions a thousand times, and perhaps in a thousand different ways, "Yes, I love you," and, "I'm the mom, you're the child; I'm in charge." My time at home this year, and every year is a gift. Opportunities to repeat a thousand times...

What Do You Think?

2009-02-12T15:15:00.004-06:00

We had a family adventure yesterday. Through a college friend, we got an opportunity to be part of an on-line video ad. What that really means is, 3 people from advertising came to our house yesterday, and recorded an hour-long interview of me and a 15-minute conversation with the kids. Maybe we'll have provided some sound bytes that are useful to them, and maybe you'll get to see some of them someday on-line, if you click on an ad for Capri Sun's new breakfast drink called Sunrise!

It was great to sit down and answer someone's questions about our morning routine. I had permission to talk all about me and my kids, and how we do things, and why we do what we do, the way we do it...and it was appealing...but now I'm exhausted. I'm so sick of me and how I do things. And sick of thinking about what others will think of me, my home, my routines, my hair, my clothes, my fingernails, my children, blah, blah, blah. As I spent the morning cleaning the house (definitely not a typical part of my morning routine, wink, wink, nudge, nudge) I kept wondering what the advertising people would think, and then what the people who watch the videos would think. I would catch myself, and scold myself, and before you know it, I would be doing it again.

They ended up coming early !!!! and I realized right before recording was to start that I didn't have any make-up on. Did I insist on taking the time to put on my face? No, 'cuz I'm a dork. So I probably look like my morning routine could use some improvement...

We did get a free box of Sunrise! juice pouches, and Lily gives it two thumbs up, plus two big toes up. So there you go.

Lessons Learned on eBay

2009-01-26T09:04:00.005-06:00

Once upon a time there was a girl who had a red, KitchenAide 4-slice toaster that she loved. The color of it made her smile when she walked into her kitchen, and it had a bagel button that made everyone in the family happy. That toaster breathed its last one day, and she began searching for a replacement. She was surprised to find that the folks at KitchenAide don't make that exact toaster anymore, but then her parents found a 2-slice version, pretty and red (also not made anymore) marked way down at their local department store.

They brought her the new toaster at Christmastime, and inside the box was a catalogue of other lovely items that KitchenAide made at the time the toaster was packaged. But ooh, something caught the girl's eye in that catalogue! A coffee mill/grinder! With a hopper that holds 16 ounces of beans; a grinder that has 16 different settings, from espresso to coarse; a design that replicates a 1938 (or 48, can't remember for sure) design, very fun and retro; and that comes in that same beautiful, smile-producing red color! "Hmmm," thought the girl, "I wonder how much that is? I love it! It would look great in my kitchen! It would fit right next to the coffee maker! I wouldn't have to take out the beans and grinder everyday...they'd be right there at the ready! I want it!"

Alas, KitchenAide doesn't make this mill/grinder anymore. She couldn't find a store anywhere that still had one laying around, marked way down like its cousin the 2-slice toaster. And this is how the girl found herself looking for this item on eBay. It was her first time to shop on eBay. And yippee! She found one--though it was stainless steel, not red--with a starting bid of only $9. "Wouldn't that be awesome," she thought. And even her husband agreed, a handy thing like this would be nice to have for twenty-five bucks or so. Yes, well. Um, as the bidding battle got down to the last two minutes, the girl finally surrendered to some other crazy shopper, who "won" it for $365!!! What happened?! How had she let herself agree to pay a whopping $360 for this thing? And it wasn't even red!

She found two others listed on eBay, one pink (not for her kitchen, thank you very much) and one....hear the music swell...RED! But this time, she had experience, and typed in the amount she'd be willing to pay, and walked away from the computer. She prayed about it, and in a moment of clarity, realized it's just a thing. If she got it, it would be fun, if she didn't, she would be ok. She thanked God for the new toaster. She asked God for forgiveness for getting swept up, for being so selfish and unwise. A few days later, she got an email announcing her "victory" for much, much less than $360, And today, her coffee maker has a friend standing next to it, and her toaster is no longer the lone red pop in the kitchen.

I believe God honors our prayers. I believe he honored mine about this purchase. Are you picturing Bruce Almighty suffocating in the mountains of post-it note/email prayers stacking up and thinking, "God doesn't want to be bothered with this kind of silliness, whether or not I buy this..." God is not Bruce. He wants us to move and make decisions thoughtfully. He wants us to think about good things, and if we take everything to Him, there's room in the noggin for the good things. He wants to hear about everything. It says so in the Bible:

Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:5-9

2009-01-14T11:58:00.003-06:00

I'm intrigued by the life of David, one who was so highly esteemed that Jerusalem was called "the city of David" and yet along with his great deeds are the recordings of some of his naughtiest moments. He was God's anointed one, appointed to the throne of Israel by God Himself, and still so completely human, prone to get caught up in pride just like every person you know. Kind of a relief to know that we don't have to live the perfect life for God to use us.

In 2 Samuel this morning, I noticed a recurring theme about the importance of seeking God--asking Him what to do, going to Him for wisdom. Twice in the 5th chapter, David asks God about attacking the Philistines, and both times, God answers him. Both times David attacks the Philistines when and how God instructs him, and the people of God see tremendous victories.

Then, in the next chapter, David wants to reclaim the Ark of God from some bad guys who had stolen it when Saul was losing his mind (and apparently, his kingdom and Ark). David moves ahead with his plan, thinking he's doing the right thing, and a good man ends up losing his life because he touches the Ark. They hit some bumpy ground, and Uzzah reaches out his hand to steady the Ark, and well, you've seen Raiders of the Lost Ark, right? No touching the Ark, baby! it's HOT!

David and his men abandon their original plan to bring the Ark to Jerusalem and instead leave it (I'm assuming) where they are, at some guy's house. A few months later, they go back again to get the Ark and move it the rest of the way to Jerusalem. What's interesting is that the second time around David says, "When we transport the Ark of God this time, no one except the Levites may carry it. the LORD has chosen them to carry the Ark of the LORD and to minister before Him forever." (1 Chronicles 15:2--emphasis mine--this story is told in 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles) I am thinking that David asked God about what to do the second time, but maybe not the first. Maybe he thought he was doing an honorable thing, and seeking God in all of it didn't occur to him. And this second time, David is following some very specific instructions.

Hmmm. I never enjoying having to re-do things. Help me remember Lord, to ask you the first time!

This was not my idea...

2009-01-06T08:56:00.003-06:00

but I like it, so I'm copying from a blog I like to read. Well, except I'm going to modify it a bit. She reposted the first line of the first post of each month last year. Beck writes beautifully, really poetic. My first lines are so boring, I won't make you look at them again. One of the dangers of conversational writing? I'll try to work on that in the future...a resolution!

So, in the spirit of yesterday's post, where I learned that remembering what the LORD has done for us is an essential piece of living a God-centered life, we'll look back over 2008. But I will re-post the LAST sentence of the LAST post of each month, because it took me a while to get to my point in these writings. My goal for this blog was to record God's activity in my life and let you, dear reader, "make of it what you will." So, we shall see if I stuck to it...

January
This is supposed to be fun, these childhood things, why can't I have fun with it?
...on Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

February
So with God's help, I'm gonna' be strong and courageous, baby!

March
I love the way he suggests here that surrendering our selves is a process, and he gives some practical, first steps to take.

April
Holding on to that junk is getting in the way of the affirmation of being God's child.

May
Well, it's good to verbalize your expectations, right?

June
Maybe it'll work for you, too.
...the plan to have the kids do "jobs" everyday this summer. It went pretty well. The plan, that is.

July
And yet, God has graciously given them to me year after year, and patiently waited for me to realize the blessing.

August
I need to be looking into that pot on the back burner and stir it up, tend to it a little bit before there's nothing there, for all of our sakes.

September
And he is truly a blessing.
...a post on Lars's birthday.

October
I can't think of any more words to add.... I mean, you know, he's too much!!
...a post on Luke's birthday. :)

November
It could be a chance for us to get to know God better, together.
...on the Sabbath

December
She is waiting and watching....
...the ONLY post for the month of December, on our cat Thora finding a perch in the Christmas tree.

Careful What You Ask For

2009-01-05T13:32:00.004-06:00

Would it be alright if I just skip the excuses about why it's been such a long time since I posted and just get back to the writing? I think that's what I'll do. You can figure it out that I've been too busy, without routine or inspiration....

So, it's back into the Old Testament I went this morning. I would like to have a better understanding of the ways of God's chosen people, would like to know the little stories that occur in between all of the familiar ones. So I started in 1 Samuel, which begins at the end of the period of Judges.

The Israelites still want a king, they don't want to have God as their leader, or, I think, a priest/judge whom God has called as their leader. They want more than a king, I think. They want a Royal Line. They want to know who will be coming next. They want to be like other people. (1 Samuel 8:1-5) So Samuel is kind of the last judge. It grieves him that the people keep telling him to ask God for a king, and God finally tells Samuel not to take it personally, that this is not a rejection of Samuel, but of God Himself, and to go ahead and give them a king. Warn them of all it will mean, God says, and tell them how a king will treat them. And so God appoints Saul as the first King of Israel.

There's a swearing-in of sorts for Saul, and then Samuel makes his final address to the people of Israel, where he reminds them of all the great things the LORD had done for them and their ancestors. (1 Samuel 12) He tells them God is giving them what they've asked for, but that obeying His commands still needs to be their way of life. And just to kind of add an exclamation point to it, Samuel asks God to bring rains and thunder to show them how wrong they were to ask for a king. Well, that freaks them all out. They are afraid, and crying out for their lives.

Our messages at church yesterday (for both the adults and for Lars in the junior high service) were about living a God-centered life. About what we need to do to tap into the supernatural power of God, have access to it daily. And for Lars, it was about what it looks like to be a lukewarm Christian, and how displeasing that it to Christ. I want to be God-centered. All the time, everyday, all day. Until I get distracted by, well, it can be anything. And then I get discouraged.

I think God drew me to the following passage this morning, as an encouragement:

"Don’t be afraid,” Samuel reassured them. “You have certainly done wrong, but make sure now that you worship the Lord with all your heart, and don’t turn your back on him. Don’t go back to worshiping worthless idols that cannot help or rescue you—they are totally useless! The Lord will not abandon his people, because that would dishonor his great name. For it has pleased the Lord to make you his very own people.
“As for me, I will certainly not sin against the Lord by ending my prayers for you. And I will continue to teach you what is good and right. But be sure to fear the Lord and faithfully serve him. Think of all the wonderful things he has done for you. But if you continue to sin, you and your king will be swept away.”

So, yes, I will not always get it right. I will need to adjust my focus, and readjust it. I will ask for the wrong things. God says to keep on keeping on. Love Him and obey Him with everything I've got. It pleases Him to call us His children. And the real key to keeping on? Thinking of all the wonderful things He has done for us.

Anticipation

2008-12-12T08:32:00.004-06:00

I love the Advent season. My dictionary defines it as "the coming of something extremely important." The kids feel it. They're anticipating giving and receiving gifts, and we remember the coming of the greatest gift of all, our Savior. Our naughty little kitty Thora gets it, too. She is waiting and watching....

Mini Sermon, sorry, sometimes I can't help myself...

2008-11-19T10:05:00.003-06:00

So while I have spiritual disciplines on my mind, (like observing the Sabbath, among other practices) I find myself mulling over the concept of being a disciple. Same root word, which according to the Webster's Revised Dictionary, means:

"Dis*ci"ple\, n. [OE. disciple, deciple, OF. disciple, fr. L. discipulus, fr. discere to learn.] One who receives instruction from another; a scholar; a learner; especially, a follower who has learned to believe in the truth of the doctrine of his teacher; an adherent in doctrine; as, the disciples of Plato; the disciples of our Savior."

What is the motivation to learn, follow, and believe the Truth of Jesus? It begins with my faith, believing that I cannot measure up to the perfection required to hang out with God. I'm not good enough, I fall short of the mark (that's a nicely worded way of saying, "I sin."). So I need a Savior. I need Christ to make it right for me before God. I believe that. That's the crux of my faith.

The next step then, is to follow Him, in all His ways. To follow is a response to realizing what He's done for me. It's a jaw-dropping, head-buried-in-the-hands, face on the floor, mind-blowing reaction to what He did for me, even though I did not deserve it. Except that I can forget about it. Like the second the phone rings, or one of my kids asks me for something. So I engage in these disciplines--these actions of following and learning--to help me get realigned, to keep my perspective on Him and His Kingdom.

And here's what is really amazing about the whole thing. The more closely I follow, the more I get to know Him. The more He opens my eyes to His activity. So, in addition to saving me, He also blesses me all the time with glimpses of Him and His ways! Do I do it because I don't want to get caught doing the wrong thing? No. Do I do it so that He won't slap me down when I make a mistake? No. Or maybe to make up for all the ways I've not measured up? No. The real motivation for me to be a follower of Christ is that I don't want to miss out on the blessings He has for me. The thrill of those glimpses keeps me coming back for more.

So, I'm not thinking about coming up with a way for our family to observe the Sabbath because I'm worried about following a rule, or because God is "shoulding" me to do it. (He isn't, for the record, anyway. Jesus and Paul both made it clear in the New Testament that we are not bound by the old law.) I'm thinking about it because it seems to me that spending some time as a family remembering that gift Jesus gave us would be a blessing. It could be a chance for us to get to know God better, together.

A Day Set Apart

2008-11-18T10:17:00.005-06:00

I was thinking this past Sunday about the practice of making the Sabbath holy. I had the idea that I would try to make the remainder of the day a time of rest. (I started thinking about it on Sunday--there's the first clue that I wasn't going about it right, but better to enter into the thought process late than never, yes?) I've heard enough sermons or read enough articles to know that the Sabbath is about more than putting my feet up; it's to be a day of "resting in the knowledge of who God is...." That's a beautiful phrase, one you can spend a portion of your Sabbath mulling. And I guess that's what I really wanted to do on Sunday. I wanted the God part of the day to go beyond church, to spill into the whole day. And then the kids want to play with so-and-so, and Luke needs new shoes for indoor soccer, and so life gets in the way.

What does it really mean for our family to observe the Sabbath?

For some, just making a habit of going to church every week is a beginning. For others, it may mean more.

I've heard/read lots about it. I've heard how a husband and wife actually observe a 24-hour period on separate days, because it works better for them. He takes it from Sunday afternoon into Monday afternoon, she takes it on a different day. Something about that doesn't sit right for me. When do the kids do it? But don't I sound all high and mighty...after all, we don't do it at all. I mean, we sort of do. We keep Sundays low-key. On purpose. But I think lately, I'm hungering for something more meaningful.

Maybe it's because I've been studying and reading Old Testament scriptures lately, I'm not sure, but I've just been wanting to get everything God has for me, and the idea of Sabbath is where I landed. I got out my copy of Mudhouse Sabbath, by Lauren Winner. She grew up in a Jewish home, converted to Orthox Judaism and then later became a Christian--she tells that story in her book Girl Meets God--but this little book, well, here's what she says:

"This is a book about those things I miss. It is about Sabbaths and weddings and burial and prayers, ritual Jews and Christians both observe, but also rituals we observe quite differently. It is about paths to the God of Israel that both Jews and Christians travel. It is, to be blunt, about spiritual practices that Jews do better. It is, to be blunter, about Christian practices that would be enriched, that would be thicker and more vibrant, if we took a few lessons from Judaism. It is ultimately about places where Christians have some things to learn."

She is quick to point out that practicing these disciplines does not earn us our salvation, but they are part of the way we are followers of Christ--disciples. I wish I could just quote the whole first chapter, but I can't. I wish I could find something that would just list out exactly how I ought to practice observing the Sabbath, but it doesn't work that way. I think what I get most from rereading Lauren's thoughts on the Sabbath is that it is not a day for me, it is for God, a day given to and spent imitating God. And it requires some preparation on my part. And so, how will this actually work, putting this into practice in our family setting, in 2008? Not sure yet, but I'm giving it some thought.

Back in the Saddle

2008-11-17T14:08:00.004-06:00

It has been a long time since I've posted. The more time goes by, the harder it is to sit down and write. I became a bit of a news junky for a while before the election, and it was all I had on my mind, but didn't want to post about it. Mostly because I didn't/don't want this blog to become a place to talk politics.

As right as I'm sure I must be in my convictions, (wink, wink) my relationships with folks who read this blog are more important to me than swaying someone's mind. It's a hard thing to "agree to disagree," so I'd rather not talk about it at all. It's not very brave of me, but that's the way it is.

So the election is over and I've weaned myself off of the news shows and pundits... and it's time to get back to writing regularly.

I'm just finishing up Beth Moore's study of the Patriarchs. I thought it would be a good study to do after reading some Old Testament books on my own this summer. I told the gals in the group I've been studying with, I've just loved doing this study, finding the connections in God's Word from Old to New Testaments, to life right here and now. I feel like God has been wooing me into His Word, giving me bits of His Truth, little treasures a day at a time... He has such a great Plan, and it's always good.

Our circumstances at any given moment may not feel like it, (think Abraham walking up to the top of the hill, preparing to sacrifice his son Isaac, or think of Jacob stealing and conniving to get the blessing from his father Isaac, or think Joseph, sitting in prison for more than two years when he was innocent) but God is at work all the time. He uses imperfect people. He loves us despite our unworthiness. Even when we waste a month watching the news....

Further Evidence of Cute Little Bugger

2008-10-17T11:22:00.003-05:00

My mom made this birthday card for luke, and it arrived in the mail yesterday after my post....

The inside reads, "And now you're 10 Cause it's your birthday again!"
I can't think of any more words to add.... I mean, you know, he's too much!!

Happy Birthday, Luke!

2008-10-16T13:22:00.003-05:00

Ten years ago today, Luke came screaming his way into this world. Now today he is a bright, determined, young man who goes after the things he wants. We're proud of him and so happy to celebrate who he is growing up to be!

This morning, Luke and I were looking at a photo album of his first year and I marveled again at what a cute little bugger he was. He still is, but he doesn't really like me saying that.... A favorite memory from when Luke was little, he always wanted more of everything. More food, more to drink, more time to play, more stuff. Scott and I would often say, "oh no, that's too much!" and Luke's reply would be, "but Mommy, I want too much!"

Sometimes Luke (and Lars and Lily) is too much, we are so blessed, I am overwhelmed when I really think about what a gift it is to be his mom.

Mysterious Squash Plant Update

2008-10-15T14:49:00.003-05:00

Whaddya know? We might actually be producing some fruit here in our pot! Remember my questions about the rogue plant growing in my pot in the back yard? Karen helpfully offered advice on how to keep this thing healthy and happy, and I took some of it. (Actually, all I did was move it to a spot with more sun and dirt, and buried some of the vine. Her other suggestions required more effort than I was willing to make. I meant to, but just never got around to it....)

So, despite my neglect, and the fact that this thing was probably planted by a squirrel, or maybe unintentionally by me in my compost, it is still working hard to grow something significant. There are two little squashes or whatever they are. They're each about the size of my thumb.

Amazing! And what does this say about the ways we might be fruitful--spiritually speaking--in our lives? I guess it doesn't always have to happen the way we map it out, and we may not always be the one who plants the seed, 'eh?

A Bailout

2008-10-14T11:00:00.003-05:00

Well, I did it. While it didn't come with a $700 billion price tag, there may be cost involved, and I'm watching closely to see.

I bailed out my seven year-old daughter and cleaned her room for her. I warned her for weeks that there was a problem, sometimes rationally, sometimes not so much. I gave her suggestions on how to tackle the job, and sometimes even ordered her to pick up all of one thing, or to pick one area and just clean that. I told her it was really getting bad, and threatened to go in there one day myself with a big garbage bag. Her room was declared off-limits for friends, even some privileges were lost, until she could make some headway. No matter what tack I took, she could not handle the enormity of the nightmare her room had become.

Lily's room could only be described as a disaster area. It was mess on top of mess: accumulated works of art in progress; paintings left to dry, little itty bits of paper, home-made board games, and "worksheets" for Lily's students to complete, or waiting to be graded; clothes--clean, dirty, and in between; just plain old garbage; discarded toys; crayons, pencils, glittery make-up; books, and countless containers of all shapes and sizes with the hope of purpose and usefulness ahead of them.... It took me two solid hours, and one filled-to-the-rim 13-gallon trash bag to get to the bottom of it all.

There's a lot that could be said about how different little girls are from little boys, and how the parenting techniques have to be tweaked in order to be most effective. And there's a lot to be said about how I may have become lax with my youngest, and I need to be more engaged, and get focused here.

Generally speaking, I am opposed to bailouts. I'm a big believer in real life consequences. But Lily was facing a crisis, I mean, the place was a fire hazard! Some of the blame could be mine, letting her have too much stuff in there to begin with. What was the real point in all of it? Did I want her to learn how to clean a room, or how to take care of her stuff? In the end, to me the important part is to help her grow a healthy attitude about stuff. What we acquire, keep, care for, let go of, etc. She couldn't possibly get that with the mountain of mess before her. If it took me two hours, how long would it take her (even with my help!)? I didn't want the lessons I spoke to her about stewardship to get lost in the action and huge amount of time spent cleaning. I decided that I needed to step in and give her a clean slate, and clear boundaries, so that she could start over and learn the lessons about being a good steward of her belongings and blessings.

I wasn't sure what her reaction would be when she came home to find her rug visible. (and lots of things just plain gone!) To my surprise, she was totally relieved and grateful. So far, it has stayed clean for over a week. And I've spent time with Lily, showing her how little effort is required to put things away properly, and she is buying into to joy of having a clean room, everything in its place.

Is there a tie-in to our government and that financial mess/bailout/rescue? Maybe. Maybe the terrible thing isn't the bailout itself, but would be in missing the opportunities to follow it up with a watchful eye, and capturing teachable moments.

Happy Birthday, Lars

2008-09-23T11:34:00.004-05:00

Twelve years ago today, I became a mother.
Lars was 13 days late, I waddled around the neighborhood day after day, trying to get things moving. But he waited until the last minute to finally introduce himself to this world.
I am still surprised by it.
How did we get so lucky to bring home this little baby?

And then, how did it happen so fast that he's now this pre-teen, lanky, head-full-of-ideas all his own, getting ready to grow up kid?! It is truly a miracle. And he is truly a blessing.

Learning by Example

2008-09-22T09:15:00.003-05:00

Betcha' thought I'd given up on this whole blogging thing. I haven't, and I've got things on my mind to write about, but the routine I so longed for is different this year, and I couldn't figure out when to sneak this in. A friend this weekend said she's giving herself until October to get a groove going. I hope it doesn't take me that long, but if it does, it does.

My kids are all in different school buildings this year, each on their own schedule, leaving the house and coming home at all different times. The nice thing about it: I get one-on-one time with each child every morning. The hard-to-get-used-to part: By 8:30, I've been up for two and a half hours, and I haven't gotten anything done, except get everyone out the door. This is fine, it's just something I have to get used to.

The biggest fan of the new morning routine? Greta. Especially on mornings when the kids have cereal for breakfast. There is the hope that she'll get to lick THREE different bowls of milk. This hope gets her so happy in the mornings, that she purrs and wraps herself around our feet all morning long. She flops over and makes herself all cute and irresistible to each groggy blondy at the table, treating them as if they're her most favorite person. It's fun watching them each fall in love with her a little bit more each morning.

I'm trying to follow her example, and show them my devotion, sending them off every morning knowing they're deeply loved. I draw the line at rubbing my face on their feet, though.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it. --Frank Zappa

2008-09-02T12:37:00.004-05:00

We had a great long weekend. Dear friends came into town and we went into the city and did all kinds of touristy things. We spent a night in a hotel so we could have two whole days of enjoying city things without the bother of using a car. One of our stops was the Art Institute, and I'm not sure the kids are sold on Picasso.....

Luke said, "do you think he just messed up on one of the eyes and then worked around it?"

What's Cookin'?

2008-08-28T10:42:00.003-05:00

First full day of school. Ahhhh, routine. How I have longed for it.

I struggled this summer with the lack of schedule. We intentionally did not sign up for a bunch of things this summer, thinking it's good to get a little bored in the summer. But with all that free time, it seemed like I did more chauffeuring than ever, taking folks here and there because why not? Nothing else that needs to be done.... It left me feeling unsettled, not knowing if I had an hour to get something done, or 15 minutes, or 3 hours. That unsettled feeling soon turned to just plain old crabby.

I am learning that I need to be responsible for my own happiness. When you have babies and you stay home and the world revolves around their physical needs, your life gets turned upside down. As the years go by, you learn how to start spinning it back right-side-up, but still, your own wants get put on hold for a while. And it's ok, for a while. I was talking with a dear friend just this morning about how we have pressed the pause button on a few things in our lives. Willingly, and purposefully, we have set some things onto the back burner.

But I have to remember it's still on the stove! I found myself this summer feeling resentful of everyone else in the family because I had somehow become the coordinator and accommodater of their happiness, and who was doing that for me? You're cordially invited to my pity party. It's like I let some muscles atrophy, I couldn't even think what would make me happy, I'd been so used to not having the opportunity.

The kids are getting older, the needs are different. You know what they say, "when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." There is some truth to it. Who wants a resentful, jealous, crabby happiness coordinator? I need to be looking into that pot on the back burner and stir it up, tend to it a little bit before there's nothing there, for all of our sakes.

Judges and Obama

2008-08-22T07:41:00.003-05:00

After I got my Bible Background commentary for the Old Testament, I decided to try reading through these ancient books for the first time. I'm trying to understand all the verses, all the chapters, not just the familiar stories. It's a strange thing. The culture seems so different, the ways of the people so wacky. We don't live in the same world today. And yet, the nature of humans has not changed, we have not evolved into some greater beings. We still ooze jealousy and anger, we still think God would be wise to consider our input in His plans, we still want what we want, and we want it NOW! We live in the same world today.

I've made it to the end of Judges, which is a book full of inspiring stories that show how God will use imperfect people to draw nations to Him. There are stories that show how, when we are stepping out in obedience, we--with God--can accomplish impossible things. Think of Gideon and Samson. But the overall story of the book, I think, is that the people wanted a person to be their leader. they weren't satisfied with having God, the Creator of the Universe, as their leader. And I just keep wondering why?

It happens over and over in the book of Judges. The people do most of what God commands them to do, but not everything. They don't get rid of all the people in these lands as God instructed. And after a while, what do you know, they're worshiping God, the LORD, and saying with their mouths that He is the One true God, but they also just have a little statue for Baal in the backyard, just to sort of take advantage of the rain he might send, in case he's the real deal. And maybe a couple of little charms to give honor to Ishtar, the fertility goddess, you know, just for good luck. Not surprisingly, they find themselves in a pickle, get things really messed up, and then cry out to God. He raises a man or woman up to be a judge for them, they all remember that the LORD is indeed the One true God again, and they have peace in the land for 20, 40, or 50 years. That person dies, and before you know it, another generation of folks start to fudge a little with the other gods, make a mess of things again, and the cycle is repeated.

Is this so different from how we are today? I'm thinking not so much.

And, since I just finished Stephen Mansfield's book about Barack Obama's faith, I'm seeing a connection. I think of how millions of people have set their eyes on him as the great hope... Obama's big on a civil religion, one that will cover everyone's bases. What's the problem with that? His faith will "some allege, give people a watered-down religion of Americanism but insulate them from the raw but healing truth of revealed religion. In other words, it replaces traditional religion with a bland political religiosity that creates a mood without offering power. It is merely faith in faith rather than faith in God."(p.94)

Doesn't that kind of thinking sound familiar? Yikes. Are we being asked to find hope in that? Blech. A recurring statement in Judges is "the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes." Let us not grow too confident in our own eyes. Seems that just leads to big barrels of pickles.

Book Review--The Faith of Barack Obama

2008-08-21T08:01:00.005-05:00

You won't typically find me in my spot on the couch with this kind of book, and I found myself skeptical as I began to read it. But that's not Mansfield's fault. I don't watch the news, I read occasional articles in the Sunday paper, catch some stories on line and on the radio. But I definitely steer clear of Hannity, Limbaugh, Beck, Matthews, Colmes, etc., etc. I'm suspicious of all of them. They tell me spun versions of what they want me to hear, and how can I ever form my own opinion? So, I feel I must fess up to the attitude I had going into the reading of The Faith of Barack Obama.

This seems like a brave book to write, in that telling the story of anyone's faith--one who's living, that it is--is like trying to 'catch a moonbeam in your hand.' Our faith is a fluid, hopefully growing, active, moving thing. It isn't easily pinned down. Can you think of what "The Faith of (insert your name here)" would say? How would it end? But Stephen Mansfield tackled the brave task, in writing this book that is part biography, part sociological examination, and part US History lesson.

Mansfield asserts that Obama's faith, like everyone's, "is a work in progress, and no man can be accurately portrayed by a portrait frozen in time."(p.58) I agree with that, and it was interesting to get a picture of where Obama came from, where he might be now, and what he might be after--faith-wise. It helps me understand the appeal, and how people are so drawn to him. And I think I've gained understanding into why Obama's faith should be of any concern to me, and that is because Obama himself insists that our faith can't be held separately from how we govern, so we need to find a way to make it pleasing or acceptable to all. Mansfield describes this as a civil religion, "using social justice concerns as a call to religious neutrality in honor of the secular American way."(p.95)

This scares me, but a book review isn't the place to go on about that. I recommend you read the book yourself and see what you think. It comes across as a pretty objective look at Obama and sheds light on the black church in America, as well as the opportunity that sits before us to move toward healing in this country.

Wacky, Wacky Old Testament

2008-08-13T07:01:00.002-05:00

Since Judges follows Joshua (the last Old Testament book I read), it seemed like a good idea to dig into Judges. There is more killing and fighting; more of the Israelites getting themselves into a pickle, worshiping Baal and Asherath; more of God turning them over into the hands of their enemies; more of the Israelites crying out to God to rescue them when it got unbearable; and more of God doing just that--rescuing them.

These Old testament ways are hard for me to understand. I have to read them for a while, over and over, before I can make any sense out of them. The Israelites' troubles began when they didn't really clear out the land like they were supposed to, and then things snowball when they start dabbling in these other people's gods and rituals. The LORD said not to mess with that stuff, to worship only Him. They couldn't do it, time after time. They'd be good for 40 years or so, and then they'd slip and fall hard. So why didn't God just give them the Promised Land empty, without the troubles of other people and their gods? If He wanted Israel to worship only Him, why expose them to all this other junk?

here's what I think so far:
Its the free will thing. He wants His people to knowingly, purposefully choose to worship Him. They can see what else is out there, and go to Him. And, of course, when it gets really bad that's exactly what they do. I'd kinda' like to not wait for the ugliness, and make that choice now. But how quickly I can get distracted by the other things.

and

It's the He wants ALL people to come to know Him thing. God wants to draw all people to Him. If Israel is a tight little community that never has anything to do with anyone else, then the LORD is a secret. One of my favorite verses backs this up: “His purpose was for the nations to seek after God and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him—though he is not far from any one of us." Acts 17:27NLT

Summer Reading

2008-08-11T14:14:00.004-05:00

Thanks to my friend April, I've been given the opportunity to review a book on my blog. I emailed the publisher saying I'd like to do it, and they sent me a copy of the book, and ba-da-boom, ba-da-bing, I'm gonna' be the writer of a book review. It came in the mail today, Stephen Mansfield's new book, The Faith of Brack Obama.

So, I'm busily reading, and will let you know what I think post haste!
Thanks April, for thinking of me and this little blog.

Plant Quiz

2008-08-05T09:47:00.004-05:00

Can you identify this plant? Tell me what it is! And advise me on how to care for it. These big flowers open up in the morning, and then a day or two later they fall off.

I have no green in my thumb; I don't think I have the attention span for it. But I go to the annual plant sale at the kids' old school and buy some tomato plants, basil, and cilantro, and I usually buy some flowers to fill one big pot for the backyard. The flowers in that it this year were some cosmos, and two other flowers that have since been choked out by this rogue squash-ish plant. It wants to climb, so much so that it was leaning over and grabbing the basil in a pot 5 feet away! I unwrapped it from the basil and gave it a chair to climb on.

And maybe this little nubby thing will be some fruit someday? Or maybe it's just going to be a new flower....

Please don't tell me it's just a weed that I've let run roughshod over my flowers. That would be a bummer, and ruin the fun I've had watching this thing with a life all it's own. I'm hoping it will produce some kind of fruit someday. It does make me think of the verse in Galatians where Paul says you will reap what you sow. Where did this plant come from? Did I sow it? Clearly, I did, the plant is growing there in my pot.

Of course Paul is talking about motivations, behaviors and attitudes. Here's the passage:

Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. --Galatians 6: 7-9 NLT

So do you think we can unknowingly sow selfish-ness, or pride? Can we arrange a pot with a bunch of nice pretty Spirit-pleasing obedience and kindness, for example, and find, a few weeks later, that a big old, choking something else is growing there? Or, can we unknowingly sow goodness and find it unexpectedly flowering and producing fruit? Hmmm.

Know What This Is?

2008-08-01T20:47:00.004-05:00

It's summertime in a glass!
Sangria made with a dry (not sweet) French Rose....mmmm...yummy in the backyard on a Friday night.

Wanna try some?

1 bottle of wine (white, red, rose, whatever strikes your fancy)
1/4 cup brandy
1/2 cup triple sec
a spoonful of sugar
fruit of your choice! slice up a lemon, lime, orange, apples, nectarines...
throw in some berries or grapes....
right before serving, add a 16.9 oz. botle of seltzer or tonic water

From me to you with love!

2008-07-30T11:23:00.004-05:00

Terrible blogger in the month of July, am I. I've been tipping back and forth between guilt and frustration over it, (no time alone to think complete thoughts, having to share my computer, no routine, yada, yada, yada) until the other day I finally figured something out. These summers with Scott home and me home--they are a gift. This year, he doesn't have to work in the summer. This year, I'm not working. This summer, our whole family is unscheduled, not obligated to be anywhere. We're able to take trips places, or stay home and get bored, or be run all over kingdom come to play with so-and-so and do such-and-such. We get to go places and see people.

This summer we have these things. Will we next summer? Maybe. Maybe not. So I need to embrace the summer I'm in, and be grateful for it.

The thing is, this is the way summers have been since Lars was born. So I just slide right into taking it for granted, even complaining about it. And maybe it takes me two thirds of the summer to figure this gratitude thing out every year. Can you say S.L.O.W. L.E.A.R.N.E.R....? I don't deserve these summers. And yet, God has graciously given them to me year after year, and patiently waited for me to realize the blessing.

Guess It's Not Too Surprising...

2008-07-17T21:00:00.003-05:00

But we were surprised this afternoon to discover that Luke has the chicken pox! I had/am just getting over shingles, and I guess I've passed chicken pox on to my boy, who was vaccinated as an infant, but that doesn't mean much, apparently.

Poor guy. He's not good at laying low and missing out on activity. He has lots of bumps, but they aren't too itchy just yet. He had a headache, sore throat, slight fever, stiff neck....Tylenol made him a happier boy. I thought I was being pretty careful, but I guess not. :(

An Activity!

2008-07-16T17:22:00.003-05:00

I belong to an on-line writers group, which is for published authors who actually write for a living (or hope to). It's kind of silly for me to be a member of this group, as the only writing I do these days is on this blog, which is sporadic over the summer here, at best. I stay in the group, though, because I'm learning from it, and maybe I will grow up one day and be a real writer.

One of the questions posted this week was an interesting one, suggesting that you think of your 5 favorite movies...just whatever comes to your mind; don't spend too much time thinking about it. After you've got your list, then think about if there are any connections between the themes of the movies and your current writing project.

Well, so how about modifying it a bit? What are the themes of your favorite movies, and is there an over-riding theme that speaks into your life, goals, plans?

My 5 Favorite Movies:
Room with a View (Merchant Ivory production, not Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window)
Love Actually
The Long Riders
Pillow Talk
She's Having a Baby

A recurring theme? Sheesh. I don't know. Maybe that the characters are all unable to ignore the extraordinariness of the gifts of life and love. Their stories begin with just bee-bopping through life and then the wonderfulness of it smacks them in the face. They can't be unchanged by their realization. Though, I'm not sure that works with the Long Riders. That's just a beautifully filmed Western....
How it speaks into my life? Hmmm. I would like to not ever forget the wonder of the gifts of life and love. So easy to forget in my own daily bee-bopping.

Give it a try yourself!

There's Always Another Way to Look at Things

2008-07-15T14:12:00.005-05:00

This is Thora, one of our cats. She is watching the world outside, safe and sound on her couch, peering out from behind the curtains. I took this picture because it struck me funny, her little backside the only thing showing to us in the house, not really her finest feature. And how, if you were walking down the street, you would see something like this....

and possibly think this is a cute sight; she might even bring a smile to your face. (it all depends on how you feel about cats) Just a reminder that our perspective is everything.

We're studying James in our small group, and this made me think of when James says to consider it all joy when we encounter trials. (Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.) I think he's advising us to look at our situation from a different perspective. Be aware that there's a bigger picture, or another view. Maybe one that could even bring a smile to your face.

window into our little world....

2008-07-14T08:41:00.002-05:00

Sitting before a bowl with three, possibly four bites of mac & cheese, Lily asks, "Mom, can I be done? How many more bites do I need to eat?" Luke asks, "Can I get down now?" and Lars asks nothing, just gets up and starts walking into the kitchen, all confident like of course he ate it all. Ha! Not!!

It's an age-old parent-kids game played at the table, isn't it? So, my version of the guilt trip about starving children in Africa goes something like this, "Umm, well, let me see now, are you asking me how much of this meal--that I worked to prepare--I would like thrown into the garbage? Like, when I was serving it up, I forgot to give the garbage can its share? So that you can come back to me in 20 minutes--right after I've finished cleaning up all the meal mess, and ask for a snack?! Yeah, I'd like you to eat it all. However many bites that is."

Mean, MEAN mom.

Summertime Blues

2008-07-09T07:58:00.003-05:00

Why did I so look forward to summer? I don't know if it's just the ages our kids are this summer or what the deal is, but I feel like I can hardly keep up. There isn't as much clock-watching, or driving to this thing or that thing, but I feel like I'm busier than ever. People are in and out of this place like crazy, wearing 2 or 3 outfits a day, it seems, going through food, drinks, and towels (!) like there's no tomorrow.

I still have the same responsibilities as always; my workload just increased. Food and laundry in particular.....
I swear I'm not complaining or ranting, though I could easily...I really am trying to guard against that. It's just surprised me this summer. Yes, everyone is pitching in to keep things straightened, and the kids have even done some of their own laundry and lunch-making.

I'm not the easy, breezy, go with the flow girl I thought I was. And I think what's most upsetting about it all, is they're getting so big and they're growing up before my eyes, and I can't keep up. They're living their lives, having their own thoughts, conversations and friendships; my eyes aren't always on them. I want to slooowww it down. I think this picture kind of captures it...they're all doing their thing. Moving on. And I'm still standing here watching, not sure how I can be so proud and kind of sad all at the same time.

First post away from home

2008-07-04T17:01:00.002-05:00

Happy 4th of July to you all.
We're in Galesburg, IL visiting my parents. Getting fired up to go see the fireworks tonight.

So, it turns out that what I thought was a funny bug bite on my back is actually a case of the shingles. I came home from the doctor disappointed and insulted. Funny. Weird skin things make one think of bugs in the bed and well, bad housekeeping. So I was glad it didn't turn out to be either one of those...but shingles is typically an older people's illness. Harumph! It's sort of like chicken pox for grown-ups. In the same family. The official name for it is "herpes zoster" and I'm on an anti-viral medication....

So, I can't decide what's more upsetting. Having an old folks disease, or something that sounds like a venereal (there's an old person's word for you) disease. It is kind of long-lasting, itchy, and painful. But, I need to have a good attitude, and just be grateful there aren't bugs in my bed. Right?

Reading Good Writing

2008-07-01T10:58:00.002-05:00

Wow, this business of blogging in the summertime is not easy. The thoughts and the time to capture them don't seem to flow together very nicely. Not only have I not had the chance to sit down and write, I'm also way behind in reading other blogs. I think it's a combination of having to share my computer (in addition to my time) and just not being in the house as much. I'll probably get it figured out just in time to transition back into a new school year.

I have gotten to read books, however. It's a lovely thing to sit in the back yard with my coffee and my book. And I loved this passage from Leif Enger's new book, So Brave, Young, and Handsome. He's talking about his marriage:

Recently, it often seemed as if Susannah were looking at the moon while I looked somewhere else--say, at a lake. If I saw the moon in the lake I believed we were looking in the same place, but let anything disturb the water and we were two people standing alone. We needed to look at something the same way, as we once had, or as it seemed to me we once had. I didn't know how to do it. (p. 245)

Isn't that a beautifully written description of their relationship? I remember feeling that way toward the end of my pregnancy with Luke. It was soccer season, and Scott was the Varsity Girls' coach, so the sport owned him. Luke was our second baby, it wasn't as novel or urgent. I went to most appointments alone, unlike the first time around. I was all wrapped up in being a mommy to Lars, preparing to rock his world with a sibling, and Scott was hardly ever home. I longed to go into labor so that we would, for a few hours, be in the same place at the same time, working on the same thing. But I could never have thought of such a poetic way to put it into words.

The Party's Over...

2008-06-30T09:55:00.002-05:00

We've re-instituted the summer jobs for the kids. Today was the first day. I told everyone at breakfast today would be the day, and no one balked or was even surprised. I guess they could feel it coming. With everyone home everyday, the impact on the house is amazing. No one wants a resentful mom/wife, so all agree that we need to tackle this business as a team. We all have a role. It isn't all on me.

This worked well for us last year, so I have high hopes. Here's what we do:
I made a list of 13 jobs that could/should be done daily. I asked the kids to each pick three and make them their own. (so, get it? see, there's more jobs on the list than we need, so then nobody thinks they're getting stuck with the "bad" job. I'm so tricky, 'eh?) Then everyone had an extra job that has to get done once a week. Wednesday is extra-job-day. No screens until everyone has done their jobs...this way, they encourage each other, and they all want it done soon. It isn't all on me.

They aren't turning the place into an immaculate palace, but it makes a big difference to me when I'm not the only one picking up. It isn't all on me.

Maybe it'll work for you, too.

Happy Anniversary

2008-06-28T08:54:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is our 17th wedding anniversary. How can it be?
I think we are both surprised by how much fun we are still having together.

I've said this many times, but I can never say it too much. Scott is a gift to me from God. I was not wise enough 17 years ago to know what I was getting myself into. I backed my way into this really wonderful life, this marriage to a man of integrity. And I almost ruined it more than once, be we still finally figured it out. It had to be God. I am so grateful.

Nothing Special

2008-06-26T15:09:00.003-05:00

So everyone in the family is out running errands this afternoon, and I'm finally home alone. It seems I should use this time really well, and yet I'm at a loss. I've piddled around a little, watered some plants outside, done some dishes and tidying, but what to do? Can't think of anything meaningful to write about, but now is the time I get. I think I'm just going to read my book.

So strange, how it took me such a long time to adjust to having time alone this school year, and now, with everyone home in the summer, I'm having trouble adjusting to not getting time alone. You just can't win living with me!

And if I can't find a satisfactory routine or plan for how to use time this summer, how can I expect the kids to do it? It's technically only our 4th day of summer, so it'll work out. But right now, this moment, I'm stuck in this spot. It's always tricky, finding the right balance between being too programmed, and too idle.....

Highs and Lows

2008-06-24T08:27:00.005-05:00

One of the things I do on vacation is buy the latest issue of People Magazine and read it from cover to cover. Guilty pleasure. So last week, I read about how Tatum O'Neill is dealing with her big mistake of trying to buy some illegal drug a couple of weeks ago. She was arrested and spent 36 hours in a jail cell. She said that she was feeling depressed. Her beloved dog had just died, and I can't remember what else triggered her profound feelings of sadness. One line in the article reminded me of something I've thought about before.... She said she just didn't want to be feeling the way she was feeling, so she decided to get high and escape. I've also heard this kind of thing said on that Intervention show.

This idea of "not wanting to feel the way we're feeling" is intriguing to me. I think it motivates a lot of behavior in our society. It doesn't always lead to doing drugs or addiction.

We don't want to feel too fat, too sad, too old, too stressed, too angry, too out of control, too controlled by others. Think of all the things we do to avoid feelings. We long to be on an even keel, flat. Why are we so afraid of feeling? People even pay big money for things like Botox...so that our faces show no expression at all. We bleach our teeth so there's no evidence of our having been alive for a few decades. We value privacy, so we can feel our stuff behind closed doors. It's in style to look flawless, clear, unmarked by life. Pretty wild.

But God did not create us flat. Or flawless. Or emotionless. I think of the verses in Ecclesiastes:

For everything there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
A time to search and a time to quit searching.
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear and a time to mend.
A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate.
A time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, NLT

Sometimes it's completely right and appropriate to be sad or mad, or out-of-your-head happy. It's the way we were made. It's all a part of life, which God designed. What a goofy thing that we run around like a dog chasing its tail, trying to capture the feelings we want, and running away from the ones we don't want.

Another Vacation.....

2008-06-22T20:28:00.008-05:00

This is what we do. We leave town in the summer, for a few days here and there. Cuz we can. So, last week we went to the Northwoods of Wisconsin. We rented a cabin together with some friends and we had a great time. Sorry for my absence. I thought I'd actually be able to post from there, but, it wasn't meant to be.

So we did some of this,

Some of that,

Maybe a lot...

Quite a bit of this, too.

It really was a dream come true for Scott. All of his true loves in one place. Golf, fish, family....

Mom, I'm Bored

2008-06-13T15:05:00.003-05:00

Ah yes, the first day of Summer Vacation. I can report that some sleeping-in took place, and there was the wearing of jammies until 12:30 or so, too much tv and computer, some basketball and fishing. Now what?

Heh heh. Unfortunately, the entertainment committee seems to be on break right now, too, so we'll all have to figure out ways to occupy ourselves. Do you think they can do it? I know they can, but these are muscles that haven't been used in a while. Last summer the big thing that got everyone excited was having "sales" in the driveway. They sold lemonade, cookies, some outgrown toys and videos. The possibility of making some money was highly motivating.

What a relief to be in the days of not having to be anywhere at a certain time, so the ideas and dreams can be pursued. I look forward to watching the summer unfold, and seeing what the big thing will be this year.

I Thought I Could, I Thought I Could

2008-06-12T12:33:00.003-05:00

Our boat trailer needed replacing, so the old, rusty thing was in the driveway along with the shiny new one holding the boat. What to do with the old one? There's a recycling center down the road a bit. But their operating hours and Scott's time at home just couldn't get together. I said I could take it there. I said I could drive the car with the trailer, as long as I never had to go backwards.

But when the time came to do it, whoa nelly, was I nervous. Make a mistake with something like a trailer, and the consequences can be pretty huge. But I did it! And look what I got for that hunk of junk!

Smooth Transition

2008-06-11T09:35:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Yes, we are STILL in school, making up for all those snow days....

I sent the kids off with gifts for all their teachers, and notes thanking them for helping to make our transition into the big regular public school district from a tiny charter school a smooth and successful one. And as I watch this school year come to an end, I can say that for each of the kids it has been a good transition. We survived and thrived through a big change.

I heard a woman on the radio the other day, no idea who she was, or what the name of her book is, I only caught about 3 minutes. But she was talking about discerning God's will, and taking the journey He leads you on, and how we question if we're doing the right thing...how it can look great when all the doors open and things are going great, but the second we hit a rough spot we begin doubting. She spoke about the Israelites leaving Egypt. It was clear God was leading them out; He parted the Red Sea, He literally showed them the way: "The Lord went ahead of them. He guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire. This allowed them to travel by day or by night." Exodus 13:21 And He fed them manna, provided them with their daily bread. And even though the Israelites could SEE with their eyes where He wanted them to go, they didn't always feel certain.

The decisions about our children and their education have loomed large since we first had to pick a pre-school for Lars. As the years have moved on, the questions have changed, but they're still kind of the same flavor. And in my moments of doubt, I still wonder how my decisions might have marked him. Was I listening well enough? Did I do what God was leading or did I follow my gut? Did I want what I wanted so much that God couldn't get a word in?

It must be a natural human reflex to question and doubt first, and then realize late in the game, after worrying and fretting, that we can rest in His provision. We do this all the time. Not just about education. I have a friend who is starting a new business...lots of risk, and lots of decisions, lots of questions. We do it when traveling through the murky waters of relationships, health, finances, careers, you name it. I don't think the questioning itself is so terrible, it's when we let that grow into doubting that God is still leading, still providing.

As God told the Israelites before they entered into the Promised Land: "So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 And then many years later, the author of Hebrews wrote in references to this promise, "Remember your leaders who taught you the word of God. Think of all the good that has come from their lives, and follow the example of their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Hebrews 13: 7&8 ROCK ON!

Looking back on the school year, even the summer before, when Scott and I made the decision to switch schools, we can see it's been good, it went well. But there were times of fear and doubt. Maybe those times were something I needed to remind me to rely on God, and not get ahead of Him. Who knows. I'll ask Him about it someday. Meanwhile, we just gotta' always rest in His leading, in His provision. So easy to say, when I'm looking back....

Maybe I Need to go Live in the Forest for a While....

2008-06-09T21:03:00.003-05:00

Writing to you from the house of technical difficulties. I have spent too much time during these last days of school (read my last days of solitude at home) on the phone with tech support people!!!!

Today's issue is with our satellite dish receiver. It won't power on, but it has a fan that has been running on it ALL. DAY. The sound of the fan is giving me a crick in my neck. It stresses me out. I feel like the poor little machine is over-working itself and might just blow at any minute. I don't even want to watch tv, I just want the fan on the bugger to stop.

I'm sure there are valuable lessons and spiritual insights to be gained, but I am not there yet. Not right now. I can't think with this thing buzzing!!! Since it's Monday, I didn't even try to call until after dinner. After spending an hour on the phone with Laura, the fan turned off and the tv turned on and all was well. She said, "I think you're all set." to which I replied, "yes, thank you so much!" I hung up and two minutes later, the machine turned off and the fan turned on. Curses!

They told me it's trying to reset itself and that could take up to 45 minutes. So I need to just leave it alone for at least that long. Then and only then, can I call back (for the third time) and try to convince the next person I talk to that indeed, there is SOMETHING WRONG!

Love and kisses....

Arggh

2008-06-07T11:16:00.004-05:00

Our modem went bad yesterday. Actually, it was in and out on Thursday, and then yesterday, caput. I can't believe how much something like that threw me off. I had begun the morning sending emails out to a few people whose replies would impact the rest of my day, and Scott was in meetings, so I couldn't get him to check email from his office. I was stranded!

Of course, there was the hour and a half spent on the phone with the dsl folks, which is not a chunk of time I had planned for. And a trip to Best Buy to purchase a modem, and then bringing it home and disconnecting the old one and installing the new one. Tasks like this can make me feel like a stupid female, and I hatehatehate that feeling.

I'm hearing the dad in the movie "She's Having a Baby" saying "You're all right now!"
Yes, I am aware that there are people in the world with real problems.....

More Pics

2008-06-05T12:34:00.006-05:00

Shall we follow up the deep thoughts with some fun photos? Yes, I think we shall.

We're travelin', travelin', travelin'....

Heading out for the rehearsal dinner

At the rehearsal dinner. It's not often we're all cleaned up at the same time!

Lily getting her hair done the morning of the wedding. "I feel like a princess."

Deep Thoughts this Stormy Morning

2008-06-05T11:19:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I finally finished the Jon Krakauer book about the Mormon faith and some of the fundamentalist groups that have sprouted off of the main church. It was a well-written book, but the subject matter is truly disturbing. I couldn't wait to be done with it. Throughout the book, but especially at the end Krakauer throws in some questions about what faith really means, and how is one religion any different than another when they all, at some point, require that "leap" of faith? I say, bring on these tough questions. I want to know why I believe what I believe.

At the same time, I'm working on a study of the book of Colossians. I think Paul's letter could tackle some of Krakauer's queries. My faith is not in a religion with rules and restrictions about how to live or practice that faith. I don't have to do certain things to gain entry into heaven. My ticket to heaven is not jeopardized by my actions. Jesus died for me, (in my sinful, imperfectness) and I have accepted His saving gift of grace. My faith is in Christ.

As Paul wrote to the believers on Colossae about what he hoped his letters would do for their recipients, he said, I want them to be encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love. I want them to have complete confidence that they understand God’s mysterious plan, which is Christ Himself. In Him lie hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. Colossians 2:2&3

In following Christ, it becomes less and less mysterious, and our knowledge increases. We know God more and more. And this is accessible to any and all who want it! Here's some more verses that get right to the heart of the difference between accepting that salvation and going the next step--what it means to be a follower of Christ:

And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6&7

Paul explains why the following piece is important, why it's imperative to do more than just accept the gift. We need to continue following Him because Satan is working hard to confuse people. He's the Great Manipulator and King of Lies. He takes bits of the truth, and weaves lies, and selfish, human-driven ideas into it. He presents twisted versions of the truth that can sound good at first, if you aren't rooted in The Truth--Christ. That's been Satan's playbook throughout the ages. In the next verse, Paul says:

Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. Colossians 2:8

I can't help but think of the Mormon church, and the wackos that have taken Mormonism to extremes, or even of some of the ideas Oprah has helped to disseminate, from The Secret or Eckhardt Tolle. These are all empty philosophies, that come from human thinking and are not of God, they are of this world. How do we know the difference? We have to be rooted in Christ and let our lives be built on Him; not a religion, not a church, or ideas, but in and on Christ.

Making Memories

2008-06-04T12:26:00.002-05:00

This is actually my favorite picture that I took....
I reminded my sister-in-law Lyn, the mother of the bride, to "take pictures with your mind" on the day of the wedding. Someone gave me that advice on my wedding day. (could even have been Lyn! I don't remember...) We didn't take very many pictures of the wedding; so many others were so it didn't seem necessary. I don't like carrying my camera around and snapping pics like crazy. I feel like I can't see, or really watch what's going on if I'm always thinking in terms of getting a shot. But I like the idea of taking pictures with your mind, because then you're holding on to moments, cherishing them in your heart.

In this picture, I walked into the "girls' room," which is where the bridesmaids and other gals changed into their beautiful dresses, and where Joy had to wait patiently, hidden from her groom's view, for the wedding to start. Joy was fiddling with her tiara, and talking to Lily....and Lily sat down because she was tired of standing...a sweet moment that I will always have in my mind, but was lucky enough to have my camera on a table nearby, so I can share it with you.

Some pictures

2008-06-04T07:29:00.004-05:00

HI! We're back and we had a wonderful time.
Just my favorites from the wedding.....

I seem to be be having trouble getting more pics up on here....
More to come later...

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy!!!!

2008-05-28T11:47:00.002-05:00

The big wedding is THIS weekend! Lily will be the flower girl, and Lars and Luke will be junior groomsmen (wearing TUXEDOS!). We fly south tomorrow, and we are all VERY excited. We've never left town and missed actual school days before, and this will be the first wedding for our kids to even attend, much less have a role. I'm looking forward to the wedding, of course, but also to a mini-vacation! And Michelle, I ran out today and purchased Leif Enger's new book and can hardly wait to crack it open once we get settled at the airport!! Maybe I'll start it on the car ride to the airport.....or, if I got everything crossed off the list tonight, I could just peek at it before bed....

I'm going to try to post while we're there, but I'm not all that savvy with any computer that isn't my own. I'm a little spoiled here with my pretty little iMac.

As I was making lists and realizing how little time is left yesterday, I found myself getting all "emo," as Lars would put it. I was paralyzed by my overwhelmed-ness, and got nothing almost done as a result. With all my thinking it to death, I think I've boiled it down to two things:

**1**It's been a long time since I've been involved in a wedding, like 15 years or so, back when we and most of our friends were getting married. And back then, I was so young, self-centered, and oblivious, it didn't occur to me--the big-ness of the promises, the beginning of a new family, the start of this fabulous adventure. I mean, I thought I did at the time, but I didn't. This time around, it's hitting me. And I'm so filled with hope or longing or something for our niece Joy and her soon-to-be husband. Marriage is a big deal, it's a great, wonderful, beautiful, big deal.

**2**I'm trying really hard not to forget anything important that would have an impact on the wedding. I don't want to leave a footprint, if you will. I just want our family to be a blessing to Joy et all, and want my children to look and act perfectly the entire time we're there...no problem. Well, it's good to verbalize your expectations, right?

Reflecting....

2008-05-27T07:01:00.004-05:00

Hope you had a wonderful Memorial Day, and that somewhere in the smoke from the grill and the spray from the sprinkler you got a chance to reflect on what a privilege is it to live here and the great things so many people have done so we could enjoy our bbq's and friends. Time of confession, we forgot to put our flag out yesterday. Doh! Well, it's flying today.

Didn't get around to posting yesterday, either. Maybe I'll post twice today! I guess today is make-up day. Makes me wonder how I'll do with this blogging business over the summer. Having the kids home doesn't throw me off too much, but when Scott is home too, the regular groove goes out the window. And he is home a lot in the summer.

On the one hand, I consider establishing a routine, and being very disciplined in following it. On the other, I think, "it's summer!" Every year that we are still both home in the summer, I realize it could be our last one. Each summer is a gift. When and if a day comes that he has a different job that requires him to work summers, or I have a job that doesn't follow a school calendar, would I really look back and wish I/we had been more scheduled? More disciplined?

Nope.

But I'll figure out a way to be a good blogger and relish the summer at the same time.

Proud Mama

2008-05-23T08:59:00.004-05:00

I try hard not to make myself or my kids seem like we're wonderful and picture-perfect on this here blog. I'm trying to go for authenticity. And now I'm gonna' be really authentic, just let it all out and tell you how wonderful I think my son is. No holds barred. Because he's such a blessing! I would just like to brag about Luke for a minute. He's our middle child, the one the books make me feel like I have the biggest potential of screwing up. I gotta' tell you, though, he's growing up to be such a nice kid. He just finished his soccer season up. We always love watching him play, he's very intense and competitive, puts all he's got into the game.

Last night, he performed in the 2nd and 3rd grade musical at school, where he auditioned for and won a role with a solo! And he did magnificently. He was very nervous, and just so cute I couldn't stand it. And I sat in my chair in the second row just beaming. Luke is also getting into some poetry writing at school, and here's his latest poem:

When I am by myself
I am a tiger sprinting
I am a soccer ball charging the goal
I am a pro skater going on tours
I am a owl howling at night
I am a son of a soccer player
I am a loving boy
I am a frog snatching a fly
I am a apple in the fruit bowl
I am a thankful boy to my friends
I am a lens in my glasses
I am a guitar rocking the world
I am a basketball flying to the net
I am a Ferrari racing in the wind
I am a blanket wrapping myself around you
I am Luke

Thanks for listening. I'll only do this sort of thing every once in a while. :)

A New Book...to me, anyway...

2008-05-21T12:02:00.004-05:00

I started reading "Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith." It's an investigative look at a 1984 double murder committed by two brothers who believed they were ordered to kill by God...they grew up in a Mormon home, and somehow as Jon Krakauer will tell the story, there is a connection to the FLDS, the Fundamentalist Mormons who were raided in Texas a few weeks ago.

We've had this book in our home for about a year now. I picked it up at a used book sale, and Scott read/skimmed most of it. I decided to read it now because of the news tories about these people in Texas and because Oprah had a show about them recently. I remembered we had this book, so found it and started it the other night. It is really disturbing, how sick and twisted the thinking is in the FLDS. They have "compounds" or whole towns, basically, in Arizona, Utah, Texas, and Canada.

This business of plural marriages--young, young girls being "married" to men twice, or three times their age--it's commonplace for them. It's just the way they live, the life they've been born into. I woke up in the middle of the night with some tummy trouble, and I first thought through everything I had eaten during the day, and then thought of the book I was reading right before bed and thought maybe the stories of these people had literally made me sick to my stomach.

So, I'm early into the book, but here's a couple of things that made me go Wow! out loud as I was reading:

Polygamy is illegal in both Utah and Arizona. To avoid prosecution, typically men in Colorado City [one of the towns they pretty much own in AZ] will legally marry only the first of their wives; subsequent wives, although 'spiritually married' to their husband by Uncle Rulon [the leader...father of Warren Jeffs], thus remain single mothers in the eyes of the state. This has the added benefit of allowing the enormous families in town to qualify for welfare and other forms of public assistance. Despite the fact that Uncle Rulon and his followers regard the governments of Utah, Arizona, and the United States as Satanic forces out to destroy [them], their polygamous community receives more than $6 million a year in public funds....33% of the town's residents receive food stamps--compared to the state average of 4.7%. Currently the residents of Colorado City receive 8 dollars in government services for every dollar they pay in taxes; by comparison, residents in the rest of Mohave County, AZ, receive just over a dollar in services per tax dollar paid....Fundamentalists call defrauding the government 'bleeding the beast' and regard it as a virtuous act.

and:

For all their fecundity, Mormon Fundamentalists are strangely squeamish about sex. Boys and girls are forbidden to date, or even flirt, before marriage. Sex education consists of teaching children that the human body is a shameful vessel that should be veiled from the eyes of others at all times....In spite of--or more likely because of--the atmosphere of repression in Bountiful [the town in Canada], incest and other disturbing behaviors are rampant, although the abuse goes conspicuously unacknowledged....because the mayor, the police, and the judge in Colorado City are themselves polygamists who are absolutely obedient to the prophet, there is 'nowhere' for victims of abuse to turn.

I can't believe that what I'm reading about is something that is happening right now, today, in our country. I'm not sure what to do about it. Religious freedom is one thing, but these folks are involved in criminal activity.

You're Welcome Here

2008-05-20T09:53:00.006-05:00

Our house was built long before the concept of a mud room came about. Or, maybe that's a very old idea, but at any rate, we don't have one. We and any who enter our house come in through the front door, and there's no place to hide the coats, jackets, shoes, hats, mittens, backpacks, keys, mail, or anything else you may have in hand.

Years ago, we purchased this little shoe cubby thing, and a handy shelf with hooks that hangs above it. It is the first thing to welcome you into our home. Because the hooks are too tall for young ones, we hung a row of pegs over on the other side of the entry, for the kids to hang their coats on. I have tried to provide a place for the things, and a system for my kids to follow when they walk in the door. Shoes in a cubby, hats, mittens (when they're in need) and backpacks in the basket or on a tall hook, depending on who you are and how tall you are. I have clearly verbalized my intentions--at least a thousand times. I would like us to welcome folks with a doorway they can actually walk through, not a pile of whatever everyone had on them or in their hands when they walked in.

You know that definition of insanity, "to repeat the same actions and yet expect a different result..." It's funny here in the land of momming. You just kind of keep doing things, or saying things, over and over again, not realizing how it's draining the life right out of you and your relationships. I don't want the bulk of my conversations with my kids to be about picking up their stuff, or cleaning up, or the condition of the house at all. I want us all to have the same attitude, that this house of ours is a nice place to be, and we all need to do our part to keep it that way. I don't want to have the kind of relationship with my family where I'm like the clean-house Police. I'd like to spend my time talking to my kids about things much more interesting than the house...like how their day went, their friends, their dreams and frustrations. And I have verbalized this expectation as well.

But it occurred to me last night that I remind two of my children in particular to pick up their junk DAILY, if not SEVERAL times a day. I just realized yesterday that I keep saying it, and expecting a different result. So, we're making a change round these parts!! Apparently, they don't mind hearing the same things come out of my mouth day after day. I need to give them a little incentive to notice the debris themselves and not be reminded by me. Ah Hah!

I announced the new plan this morning. I decided that the real cause of the problem is hurrying in and out of the door. Being in a big rush to play with someone outside, or do the next thing, whatever that may be. So starting today, if I have to remind you to hang/pick up your stuff, you will spend 10 minutes doing nothing on the couch. Luke was aghast. "TEN MINUTES!?!" "Doing NOTHING??!" You got it baby. He decided that yeah, it would only take about 5 seconds to put everything in its place properly, and that wouldn't be costly. But those 10 minutes could be tragic. Hee hee.

And what about me spending a few minutes quietly in meditation with God? "TEN MINUTES?!?"
Hmmm.
I love the way God teaches me through this job He's given me.

What's the Deal?

2008-05-19T13:09:00.003-05:00

Things are changing. I guess they're always changing, and that's probably good. But it seems in my little world that no one is volunteering for anything these days. We get desperate email appeals from the PTA at school asking for volunteers from helping with specific events to taking an officer position. I was talking to a friend from a different school, and same story there. The ministries at church are recruiting, too, always in need of more folks to step up and serve.

Has it always been this way? Do people have less time now? Are these institutions that count so heavily on volunteers becoming irrelevant? The rule of 20% of the people doing 80% of the work seems to be changing to 10% of the people doing 95% of the work. The "inner circle" of people pitching in gets smaller and smaller, rather than growing.

Is this a problem, or just the beginning of a transition to a new season, where things get accomplished differently? It's discouraging to watch it happen, and yet, each of us is limited as to how much we can do. Are people in my generation selfish and entitled, and in need of a wake-up call--having a few things disappear, or organizations just dissolving--in order for them to realize it can't go on indefinitely without some help?

Julie in Wonderland....

2008-05-15T15:47:00.005-05:00

Late post today, because I went on a field trip this morning with Lars' class.

I think that may be my last 6th grade field trip. Shheeesh! It was not pleasant. A 25-minute bus ride with 65 or so 11 and 12 year-olds. They can't bear to just sit quietly if they have nothing to say, so they call out everything they see. "Walmart!" "Let's go to Walmart!" "Shell Gas!" "Let's get some gas!" Such clever creatures. Have they never been out before?

The bus deposited us at a theatre where we saw an abbreviated version of the musical Alice in Wonderland, which I think is probably kind of a weird show anyway, but with 4 scenes cut out of it, one seriously could not follow the story.

The boy sitting two people away from me got sick in the middle of the performance, and that was a new experience for me. One I can cross off the list, done that, don't ever need to do that again. It was very stinky, as I'm sure you can imagine, and then the janitor came and poured some of that stuff on the yuk. The smell took me back in time, to third grade when JOnathan S. threw up in class. Awful. And the poor kid! And all these goofy, squirrely 6th graders making a big scene....

The show was followed by another long bus ride, where the poor ill boy couldn't quite make it off the bus in time, and was scrunched up, heaving, on the grass as 400 of his classmates walked by on their way into the building. Being respectful and sympathetic, of course.

It actually took me a few minutes of sitting in silence when I got home to decompress.

I love my 6th grader, but there definitely is a middle-school season. Where he is obnoxious, and loves to irritate other people. Either that, or he retreats into some other world, reading or watching a screen....This is Lars at our Mother's Day Brunch. Once his belly was full, he got back to his book. I know some would get mad about something like this. He did miss out on connecting with his extended family that afternoon. But I remember wanting to do nothing but read my book. (just yesterday! ha!)

Soap Box

2008-05-14T11:58:00.004-05:00

My friend Jen spent some time trying to post a comment here on yesterday's post, and was never able to do it. I don't know why that happens sometimes. Kris can't ever seem to post a comment, either, unless she posts it anonymously and then signs her name....If you have tried to comment and can't, try doing it the way Kris does, because I would love to hear what you've got to say!

Here's what Jen wanted to post (she emailed it to me):
This whole expectation of happiness has really created problems for our society - hasn't it? I read/heard somewhere that expecting consistent happiness is a relatively new concept. People never used to have time to think about whether they were happy or not - they were too busy trying to survive. Want the real secret to happiness in this life? Be happy with what you have. Wow. That's deep. That, and have common sense enough to ignore the Harvard-trained-brain-trusts that are stupid enough to actually spend money and time trying to come up with a formula to measure "happiness". Give me a break.

Have a good day!
Jen

What about happiness? Is it a new, western concept--kind of the idea of privacy? Just who do we think we are? I think we need to get over ourselves! This life is "but a breath." It is a reflection of what is to come. Let's not let it slip away focusing on what makes us happy, or how to keep our secrets secret....This leads to more of the surrendering our selves discussion. Living here and now where we do, it's a hard thing to do! We have to do it over and over again. Jesus said we'd have to do it every day, but I find I need to do it about every 20 minutes or so.

You don't know how long (or short) your "breath" is going to be. Jen has it right, be grateful for what you have. Live each day like it's a day that matters. What are the gifts and dreams that God has put in my heart? What am I doing with them?

OK, I'll stop ranting.

Wanna' Know What Makes me Happy?

2008-05-13T12:42:00.004-05:00

Spring springing! A few more of the anenomes are open...

Dinnertime Again

2008-05-13T11:38:00.004-05:00

Time for another installment from the book I'm reading, The Surprising Power of Family Meals, by Miriam Weinstein. Actually, my thoughts come from reading this book, and from a post by Beck yesterday about two recent studies showing that adults who have children are less "happy" than those who don't. They say "parenting doesn't lead to joy." Whatever/however "they" define happiness. As if one can even compare the life of a parent to the life of a non-parent. Blech. For being the educated elite in this country, sometimes I think those Harvard researchers are complete idiots.

But, I do wonder, are there ways of parenting that produce more happiness, I mean, can we do it better? Consider this quote from Miriam Weinstein:

According to researchers at the University of Michigan, in 1981 the average child could count 40% of his day's activities as discretionary. By 1997, that had dropped to 25%. In the same period, the amount of time spent on eating declined about 20% on weekdays. Did children learn to eat faster? Or did we just spend less time sitting around together at the table?

[Teresa] Arendell [a sociologist studying middle-class mothers in CA] explains that intensive parenting is now the norm. 'Good childhoods are intended not only to secure children's immediate psychological well-being and growth. They also aim to prepare children for their future roles as adults....Steady involvement in organized enrichment activities enhances and secures children's individual cultural capital, readying them for participation in select strata of adult life.' Or, as we all know, a child who doesn't play soccer, study oboe, and work at the soup kitchen, preferably all on the same day, can just kiss Harvard good-bye....

It's about parents investing in their children so the children can be worth more. But are we so obsessed with our narrow, anxious view of our children's future that we throw away the riches we can offer now?"

Yeah, well, if my kids can't get into Harvard to help produce ridiculous studies like the one referenced above, that's OK by me. It's always a tricky balance, figuring out how much to throw the kids into, and how much to hold back. My gut first wants to cling them to me, and let them just be children longer. Do they really need to have so much scheduled time? On the other hand, my children do have interests, and it's part of my responsibility as a mom to provide opportunities to pursue them, right?

Remember the 1989 movie, "Parenthood," with Steve Martin and a slew of other people in it? He had a niece who, at 4 years old was learning a bunch of different languages, and how to play a musical instrument, as well as the elements of the periodic table...While Steve Martin's 4-year-old was wandering around the house with a bucket on his head, banging into walls, singing the "Diarrhea Song". You gotta' love the kid with the bucket. But you may recall from the movie, both sets of parents are uneasy with how they're doing the parenting thing. It takes Steve Martin the whole movie to figure out how to be at peace with this execution of the role of fatherhood. Maybe that explains the Harvard study....Do you have to be confident in how you're parenting in order to be "happy"?

We do have riches to offer our children right now. Time spent eating together, just being our family, who we are, together, without pressure of performance, is so incredibly valuable. This actually does make us happy. Adults and children. Not that I'm totally convinced that "happiness" is the end-all. But dinner together has lost its place of importance in American families. Activities are often scheduled at dinnertime! I want to push back, and reclaim that time. Will this cause a problem when it's time to apply to colleges? Guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I get to it.

Mr. Golden Sun, Please Shine Down on Me

2008-05-12T10:32:00.004-05:00

We have this pile of anenomes (?) growing right outside our front door. They're cute little white flowers with a yellow center, just what I would draw if you asked me to make a flower... They are just about to pop. A couple of them have opened up, but they're bent down. I'm waiting for the morning when they're all open and proud, and I keep looking out to see if it's happened yet. We had a rainy, cloudy, kind of cruddy weekend in the weather department. This morning, though it's still a little chilly, the sun is shining brightly. So I told these little flowers to look up! Let the sun shine on your face! I want to see them all pretty and white, but they're holding out. Not quite ready.

Except for this one....
Isn't it pretty? Tell your neighbors, little flower, how good it feels to bask in the warmth of the sun. I'm not a gardener, I know close to nothing about plants and their ways. But I just love this season of green things coming back up, and the pop of color from the flowers. As I watch with anticipation this spring, I can imagine God watching us from heaven, waiting for us to just look up! And tell everyone around us all about it. Can you picture it?

Look up into the heavens.
Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
not a single one is missing.
O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles?
O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights?
Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:26-31

Friday Means Plumb

2008-05-09T09:49:00.002-05:00

So, off you go now, go see what I posted over there.....

Out of the Mouths of Moms

2008-05-08T10:27:00.003-05:00

I can't believe the things I say in my role as a mom sometimes. It's always frightening when things fly out of my mouth that my own parents used to say to me and made my eyes roll into the back of my head. (one of my old faves..."we're starting to see a pattern in your behavior..." ugh. And I have said that to my children!!) So disappointing.

Today is Bedtime Day for Lily's class. It's B day for the ABC countdown to the end of the year. She's been so looking forward to this day, when she can bring Mr. Cuggle Wuggles to school and wear her pajamas. I had a sneaking suspicion that she was hoping to wear her Cinderella nightgown, which is sleeveless, silky, and wholly inappropriate for school. But I waited it out, and this morning, she proved me right, and we had all the elements in place for a battle of the wills. Just exactly the way I want her day to start.

I tried to end it before it began by reminding her that I am the mom, and if we need to fight about this, we'll just skip pajamas altogether and wear regular clothes. That helped, and Lily resorted to crying that she didn't want to wear the other pajamas (that cover her bum and are just cute). I explained that I understood she didn't want to, but we don't always get everything we want. And then I did it. I said this stupid thing. Not one of my parents old phrases reused, my own, but WHY did I say it? Almost as soon as it came out I was wincing and shaking my head. I said, "We are not going to school dressed like a hoochy mama in first grade."

Mothering at its finest. How long before I get a call from the teacher saying that Lily called someone a hoochy mama? Can't wait.

I Want to Know You

2008-05-07T09:19:00.004-05:00

We made a family outing to a book-signing last week at a local bookstore. Lars has read all of the Fablehaven books (there are three so far), and was very excited to go meet the author, Brandon Mull. He actually was at the same bookstore in the fall, and we went then to get the first book signed, before Lars had really gotten into them. Brandon Mull is very patient, talks to every person in line, asks questions of the kids who are standing there awestruck, and answers any questions his young fans may have for him. The line was long! And he made it worth it to have waited all that time.

It was cool for Lars to have a second chance to meet this author, to have enthusiasm and be able to take advantage of the opportunity to converse with him. And the real thrill this second time around? Brandon Mull said to Lars, "I've met you before, Lars, haven't I?" Well, Lars just couldn't get over that. "He knew me, mom! That is the sign of a really good author." Mm-hmm. I snapped a pic, of course. My happy boy, with this favorite author.

Can you guess where I'm going to go with it? What a thrill it is to be sort-of known by someone big. We have a God who knows us! He knows our name! We aren't just somewhat familiar to him, He knows us. He longs to engage us, to make our time spent with Him worthwhile. And the beauty is we don't even have to stand in line. We don't have to read the Book first, we don't have to get ourselves in order before we can meet Him, we don't have to do it a certain way. How many chances do we get to converse with Him? The number goes to infinity and beyond, baby. That is, indeed, the sign of a really good author.

We Are Family....I Got All My Sisters...

2008-05-06T10:19:00.004-05:00

A group of my friends and I have started doing a Bible study together on the book of Colossians. We've done a few studies together before, but it's been a while. Because one friend moved to Ohio, and another moved to Georgia. And there have been changes in schedules and life....But we've recently discovered a way to do it on-line! Our same old group! I'm really excited to see how it goes, and thrilled to be able to stay connected.

When reading one of those books that is a letter from Paul to the believers in one town or another, I usually skim right over the greeting. I'm looking to get into the substance of the missive. But I appreciated this study making us look closely at this greeting:
"This letter is from Paul, chosen by God to be an apostle of Christ Jesus, and from our brother Timothy. It is written to God's holy people in the city of Colossae, who are faithful brothers and sisters in Christ. May God our Father give you grace and peace." (Colossians 1:1&2 NLT)

One of the questions the study asks is, "in the best of family relationships, how do brothers and sisters relate to each other?" Mmmm. I like this question. I think about how I instruct our kids to treat each other, how I want them to relate to each other. There are a couple of things I have said literally thousands of times to them: "we're all on the same team," and I remind them how blessed they are to have a brother, or a sister, or two brothers, as the case may be.

We are blessed to have been adopted into God's family, with all these brothers and sisters, all on the same team. We can have each other's backs, we can keep each other honest (you know siblings are great at that!), and we can encourage one another. Sure, it doesn't always go as beautifully as God's original design, because we're all imperfect. Are we seeing what a blessing this family can be? I know I skim over that....looking for the deeper stuff. What a mistake. It's good to slow down and I'm so thankful for y'all, my family!

What's For Dinner?

2008-05-05T10:54:00.003-05:00

I'm reading a book about the power of eating dinner together as a family. I've only just started it, but WOW! This is such an important thing. I've always thought so, and it's something Scott and I decided we would do a long time ago, it just is the way we do life in our home. It's actually getting to be more and more fun, the older the kids get. Their observations of the world spill out on the dinner table, and we get to see into them.

What has surprised me though, is how important it is for families to eat together when the kids are older...teens. It makes sense, but I just hadn't gotten that far in my thinking about it ('cuz we aren't living there quite yet). Here's a quote:

"Just at the time when substance abuse rises, from ages twelve to seventeen, is the time when family dinners decline. When you look at high school juniors and seniors, only a third have dinner with their parents on a regular basis. It's easy to see how this comes about. older kids are busy, often tightly scheduled. In many ways, they are quite capable of being on their own, managing busy lives full of activities, jobs, schoolwork, and friends. It is easy to lose track of the fact that they still need the regular contact, the feeling that they are part of a group. They still need and crave adult guidance, even if they communicate the opposite....If we want our kids to lead healthier lives, we should eat with them more often. We should not give up our close contact, or underestimate our influence. And we should not pull back as they enter their teenage years....The meals...set the stage for the kinds of interaction we hope will happen between parents and teens. Parents are so important in their kids' lives. And supper is such an obvious place for kids to get regular access to parental presence and low-key attention."

There are just so many benefits to eating at home together...it improves both physical and emotional health for everyone at the table, not to mention the financial incentives. As the prices of everything keep creeping up, it really pays to plan out a week of dinners, and feed the family together at home. And the laughing! That's what has me hooked. We've got a funny table here at our joint.

T.G.I.F.

2008-05-02T09:39:00.003-05:00

How can it already be Friday?!
Well, you know what Friday means, it's my day to post on Plumb.
Go read it!
And have a fantastic, restorative weekend.

Happy May Day!

2008-05-01T13:49:00.003-05:00

My friend Yves says that in France, May Day is supposed to be the day that the Lilies of the Valley bloom. Alas, mine are not quite ready, so we'll have to be happy with daffodils and tulips. And, I am happy with them!

Today, I will play this game of tag with Michelle, who tagged me a few days ago. I don't think I can obey the rules completely, as I don't know 6 people who blog! I read some big blogs, where there are gobs of comments everyday, and the authors don't know who I am...sorry about that...And if you are someone I know and have a blog that I don't know about, comment me!

OK, so here are some Random things about me:

1. I'm kind of a foody wanna' be. I watch the Food Network, worked at a specialty grocery store in high school, and I love to cook, but I am a very picky eater. I don't like my foods to touch each other on the plate, and spicy food kills me. Even mildly spicy food. But I'll happily cook things for others to eat that I wouldn't. I also eat kind of weird. I'll pick which thing on my plate I think tastes best hottest, and eat all of that thing, and then on down the line. I don't do this on purpose, it just happens.

2. My brain remembers the first 3 digits of license plates and what kind of car people drive. I really don't do this on purpose, but that vital information is locked in there. Strange, I know. I'm also pretty good at remembering phone numbers without trying.

3. I have really bad vision. One optomotrist told me I'm legally blind (that is if I don't wear my glasses or contacts) but I don't know if that's true. My correction is -6 in one eye, and -6.5 in the other.

4. Our family hosted a Soup Night in our home for five years. Once a week, October through March, I made lots of soup, and there was an open invitation for folks to came and have dinner. We invited about 25 families, no rsvp, and it was great fun! (all 25 families didn't usually show up on the same night...)

5. I have been walking every day (about 20 minutes) since Spring Break ended, and refraining from eating after 7:30pm, and my jeans still fit the same! I'm seeing NO benefit. I'm a little crabby about it.

6. I have a bachelors degree in Sociology from North Park College (now University).

I shall now tag Matt, Heidi, and Sheila.

Here are the rules:

a. Link to the person who tagged you.
b. Post the rules on your blog.
c. Write six random things about yourself.
d. Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
e. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.
f. Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

Self Help...HA!

2008-04-30T08:33:00.004-05:00

I saw an episode of Intervention yesterday. It's a show on the A&E channel that documents an addict and their family/loved ones right up to and including an intervention, where they all confront this individual and beg them to get cleaned up. I was curious about it and tivo'd it from earlier in the week because the info thing said it was an alcoholic PTA mom. It's really a terrible thing to watch, the train wreck of a hurting someone's life. But "PTA mom" snagged me, and I wondered how does it happen, that someone falls apart like that?

Having watched the episode, I don't think I can answer that question, but I think self-absorption can be a piece of it. I've written much about how being a follower of Christ requires the surrender of self. I've thought about how easy it is to say I'll surrender it, and then keep picking it back up and sludging around with it. I've mentioned how it would be easier if the self was a tangible thing, so we could physically, consciously know when we're taking that burden on again--that burden that Jesus offers to take for us. You could see on the show how this woman hated what she was doing, when she could see it, hated who she had become--her self--but the only way for her to get out from under that burden was to drink herself into a stupor, into sleep.

And this little thing happened to me this week that caused me pain, and I think maybe I got a glimpse of how it can happen. (My pain was nothing compared the wound this gal had, please don't think for a minute that I think I've got it all figured out, or that I even understand her situation. All I know is what the producers and editors of the A&E show want me to know, for starters.) But here's what happened to me: Several weeks ago, a friend said something to me that hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything at the time, because it wasn't intended to hurt, and it was also kind of a stupid thing to say. It was said off the cuff, and I thought I had chalked it up to this friend just saying something stupid.

Then, the other night, someone else said the exact same thing to me. OK, ouch! And then I remembered that my friend had said it, too. So I took that comment out from wherever I had been keeping it, pulled it out of the closet and tried it on for size. I held it up, looked at it, thought about how it feels, and considered owning this stupid remark. I thought about wearing it to my own little pity party. I ruminated on this for a couple of days. Yuck. I was getting all into my self. I was thinking about carrying it around, and wearing something ugly to boot. And I could even say I was entitled to do so, because these hurtful things came at me, I wasn't looking for them. Ack.

I've got to keep my eyes on Jesus, who He was, what He did, and what the Word says about who I am. I gotta' keep following right behind HIm, because it's just that easy to get distracted by my self. What does the word say about who I am? Look at this:

Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.
So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering. (Romans 8:12-17 NLT)

All this self stuff is part of that sinful nature. It seems all meek and hurt, but in me I see that it really is pride. Making my self the priority. Holding on to that junk is getting in the way of the affirmation of being God's child.

The Inevitable Question

2008-04-29T08:37:00.004-05:00

Lily, our youngest, is in first grade this year. All three kids are in school all day, although, because of staggered schedules to accommodate busing, the actual time that there are no children in the house is from 8:20-2:30. This is a rather short day. Nevertheless, it is inevitable for a stay-at-home mom to ask the question, "should I find a job?" at this point. After all, my presence doesn't seem to be as necessary, while everyone is off doing their things. Except when someone is ill, or forgets something at home....I am always "on call," but the job of being home has changed.

So we have asked that inevitable question. A few times. And I wonder if I shouldn't be contributing more financially. But I've done some work with the numbers.... Let's say I got a job working 20 hours a week, at $10 an hour. Maybe I wouldn't work that many hours, maybe I wouldn't make that much money. But for arguments sake, let's just say I could find something that would work out to bringing home about $560 a month. (I'm figuring taxes would eat up $3 of every $10....) Bear with me, I'm not a mathy gal. What would it cost us to have me work part-time?

Gas: $8 a week=$32 a month
(assuming I work somewhere that is 5 miles from home, I work 4 days of the week, and gas is a little less than $4 a gallon, 20 miles/gallon)
Lunches Out: $7.25 a week=$30 a month
(assuming I only purchase a lunch for myself once a week, which I think is very conservative. I would try to bring a lunch more often than not, but if I was working, there would be more social opportunities, and days I just don't have anything to pack for myself)
Starbucks: $8 a week=$32 a month
(again, this is very conservative to think I would only treat myself to a cappucino twice a week. After all, I would be contributing more to the family financially, and would feel justified in a goody every so often. And here's the deal, when I'm out, I am more likely to indulge. I find that walking out the door and getting into the car costs money. It just flies right out of my hands! If I was working, I'd be out every day.)
Groceries: $50 savings every other week=$100 a month
(huh? Well, you see, currently, I go to a grocery store that is 25 minutes away every two weeks because the prices are crazy low. It's a big trip, taking most of the day to plan what to get, go there, get it, bring it home, put it away....We have studied our receipts and figure that we save at least $50 everytime I shop there rather than the local big name store. I use coupons and plan meals which also saves us oodles. If I was working, this just wouldn't happen. It might sometimes, but let's be realistic. This would no longer be a priority, besides, I'd be making a little extra money, so we could afford to get gouged on occasion.)
Dinners Out: $30 every other week=$60 a month
(assuming we just went out for dinner, feeding 5 for $30, so nothing too fancy, just eating out, or carrying in because a meal wasn't planned for a particular night. I think this would happen at least two times in a month, maybe more, because we/I would justify it by thinking, "I'm making a little money..." blah, blah, blah....)

So far, it would cost $254 to bring home $560. It's not sounding as good. And I haven't considered clothes that I would need to buy, or maybe the cleaning service I might hire to come in and help--to treat myself--or any wear and tear on the car. I haven't even gotten to what would happen in the summer. Would we pay for extra park district programs and things like that to occupy the kids? And what else am I not thinking of?

I think the job I have here is still important, even though I'm alone much more than I used to be. In order for me to take the leap into the working world, it would have to be something that really fills me up, and fits into the whole family's schedule. I haven't found that yet. So, the answer to the inevitable question for me right now, is, "No."