Judge Not....Not Judge Julie

A funny thing about the picture I posted on Tuesday: When Luke saw it, he was surprised to see Lily's hand on his bag. "I didn't know she was holding me like that," he said with a grin. I think it made him feel good to see it. What things go on behind our backs that we never know about?

I kind of think that Luke kind of thinks that Lily likes Lars better than she likes him. And I think he's wrong, but it'll have to be something he figures out on his own. Nothing I say would really be able to convince him. We haven't actually talked about it; that's the kind of conversation that would just make him squirm. I'm so glad he got to see the picture and that he noticed what he didn't see or feel that morning. She loves him, and she cherishes being with him, she leans on him.

It's only natural for Lily to have a different kind of relationship with her two brothers, because they all have different personalities and respond to competition differently, because Luke and Lily have spent more time together than Lily and Lars, because of their age differences, and on and on. But we all do this, we make judgements about how others feel about us, or what they think about us.

I have a tendency to take it even farther and think I can figure out other people's motives. That's dangerous territory. Because if I don't have it quite right, I might start operating in my own little universe founded on incorrect assumptions. For one of our small group studies at church, we took an assessment of our skills and interests. My number one "skill/interest" was "figuring people out." I'm starting to think this is a great big red flag from God to me. The Bible is pretty clear about who is supposed to be doing the judging....I haven't found a verse yet that says, "Thou shalt Let Julie be the judge of that, she's good at figuring people out."

People's hearts are not where we can see them, we can't know what's going on in there. Sheeesh, sometimes we don't even know what's going on in our own hearts. And, it happens sometimes, that people hold onto us when we aren't looking, people love us in ways that we don't always see.

There they go, my babes walking down to the bus stop. This year, Lars goes alone really early, then Luke and Lily go together later in the morning. Next year, they'll all go separately. (different buildings for grades 1-3, 4&5, 6-8) They do this every morning, they leave me and go out into the world for part of the day.

Does the world know how precious they are? How lucky it is that I share them with it? I love watching them make that walk each morning. It's bitter sweet. But I feel like it's helping us all grow up a little bit each day, and I love seeing who they are becoming. I'm feeling the urgency to take advantage of the time they are here with me. Maybe I'm starting to learn a little bit about the letting go part of being a mom. It's not time yet to really let them go, but we're starting to ease into it.

I Wanna Be Like Caleb

It feels like Spring might really be here! After a couple of warm days, I think we may be able to put our loooong winter behind us. I went out to clean up some of the icky brown leaves that are stuck in every corner and crevice of our yard, and look at what I found!
Those bulbs that I stuck in the ground way back when are coming up! They didn't get down about the snow and cold temperatures, they just did their thing under there. What a lift the daffodils and tulips give me. There isn't even any color yet, just the green shoots popping up is enough to make me happy.

In my reading of the book of Joshua, I'm amazed at the story of Caleb. Remember him? In Joshua 14, Caleb goes to Joshua and requests the land promised to him 45 years earlier. A 45 year-old promise. And I thought our winter was long. Reading about this made me look back at Caleb's story in the book of Numbers (chapters 13 & 14).

When Moses sent twelve spies in to check out the scene in Canaan, only Joshua and Caleb saw it through eyes of faith. They saw that the land was fabulous, and that because God said so, it would be theirs. They said to the Israelites, "It rocks! With God's help, let's go!" But the other ten went on and on about how big the people were, and how it looked impossible to take the land. And the Israelites bought into the fear. God punished all the Israelites by making them wander in the desert for 40 more years, one year for each day that the spies scouted the Promised Land.

I had always known that they spent 40 more years in the desert, but I realized for the first time with this reading that God told them exactly how long it would be. They didn't wander aimlessly wondering if they'd ever find it again. It really was like being grounded. None of the adult Israelites (it says 20 years or older) got to enter the Promised Land--with the exception of Joshua and Caleb. The LORD says "But my servant Caleb is different from the others. He has remained loyal to me, and I will bring him into the land he explored. His descendants will receive their full share of that land." (Numbers 14:24)

It apparently took 5 more years to take over all that land. So finally, after 45 years, Caleb got his land, and a blessing from Joshua. What a faithful, patient man Caleb must have been. He even had to do more fighting to get his portion of land, and still, at 85 years old, Caleb knows God will give him the strength he needs. Caleb says to Joshua, "I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then....You will remember that as scouts we found the Anakites living there in great, walled cities. But if the LORD is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the LORD said." (Joshua 14:11&12)

Wow! I want to have that kid of faith. It reminds me a bit of the tulips, the way they just keep doing their thing under the soil and snow and winter yuck. They aren't discouraged by the old leaves covering them up, they just push right on through. Before you get on my case, I know that tulips don't have faith. But they know what they are created to do and they do it. Caleb knew what God promised him, knew what he was created to do and did it. And he did fight at 85, and did drive all those people out. I want to learn from his story.

Plumb Women Blog

I just posted my weekly contribution to our church's women's ministries blog. Go check it out! I'll be posting there every Friday.

And So it Begins...

We've flipped the page of the calendar, and I did so a little reluctantly, because I knew what it would hold. The beginning of soccer season. We all love soccer season (except maybe Lars....). It's fun to have the whole family trek out to the games. I love these things that we all do together. (and Lars does, too, even though soccer itself is not his passion.) But it also means that there's two practices each week for Scott, and one each for Luke and Lily. This means dinner has to be figured out in the morning on those days, or else it's a mad dash--usually not as healthy, almost always more expensive--to get everyone fed.

We eat dinner together just about every night. But Spring (soccer) can throw a wrench in that, unless I am organized. Scott and I were talking the other night about how much goes on at the dinner table that we love and don't want to miss out on. The things that come out of the mouths of our babes just make us smile, and we love their quirks, and who they are. There are many, many glances between Scott and I, laughter supressed, just enjoying this family, amazed at who our kids are growing up to be. We find we like them! We really do!

I look at the calendar and how it's already filling up, and I ask myself some of those "intentional" questions. Do we want to be doing all these things? Are each of us in the family using our time the way we ought? And I actually think it's ok, so far. (It's only the 3rd, for pete's sake!) But I do need to be on top of the meal-planning, otherwise, we all miss out on the family dinners, and I think those hold us all together. They hold me together, anyway. So I've pulled the crock pot out this morning....

Tough Question

Today was the final session of the 6-week Bible study series I participated in at church. For the homework last week, the author (Angela Thomas) really emphasized the importance of this work making an impact on the way you live. She wrote about how it's all good to attend Bible studies, and learn the words and do the assignments. But if it doesn't show up in your life, if you still act the same towards others, it's not really doing anything for you.

The study is on Jesus' sermon on the mount, which He ends by saying, "Everyone who hears these words and puts them into practice (emphasis mine) is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock." (Matthew 7:24 7 25 NIV) Angela Thomas writes, "We assume that attending and hearing is practicing, but it's not. None of this really matters if your life is not being transformed by the truths you've learned."

So, here's the real kicker from the homework. She told us to ask a family member what he or she sees God doing in our lives. Do they see God transforming us? Softening our hearts? Oooh. Made me take a deep breath. The rubber hitting the road.

What would the people around you have to say about what they see God doing in your life?

Mahwiage.....(from the Princess Bride)

Much of yesterday was spent reading other blogs. It rained non-stop from at least 5am until a little after 1:00 in the afternoon, and I spent the morning in my jammies catching up on all the blogs I didn't look at over Spring Break. Very indulgent. It was nice. I can't tell you how much I want to complain about the weather. But that's not fun to read, so I'll refrain. My sister-in-law Kris always laughs at the way I want credit for the things I didn't say. I'm looking for credit here, for not complaining about the weather! Because I totally, justifiably, could!! But I won't.

I read a few postings yesterday about being a wife and mother, what it means, how we do it and don't do it. And, on Sunday, we picked up Lily's flower girl dress for our niece's wedding in June. (kinda' cute, don't you think?) ....So, marriage has been on my mind.



We can really miss the beauty of marriage sometimes. It's so easy to just get through the days. To have that mentality of doing what it takes to survive, without stopping and focusing on doing the work necessary to thrive. It's another one of those things where we've got to pay attention to what we're doing and make sure we know why we're doing it.

This photo is from our wedding album. We're running to jump into the limo as people throw bird seed at us. It's a great picture of what can happen in the marriage journey. We were so young, ready to take it on. And life comes at us. Things are hitting us, and we put our heads down, hold on to each other, and run through it.

Are we living in this house, driving these cars, eating meals the way we do, spending money, putting the kids in school, playing their different sports, involved in their different activities, etc., etc., because that's just the way it's done? Or is this the way we want to do family? marriage? It's like life can just roll right over you, and you don't realize that it's happening, or that you can say STOP!

I've been given a gift this year. In a moment of intentional-ness, we made a difficult decision to switch schools for our kids this past summer. They (I say they, but it really was we. Their school was a whole-family adventure) went to a public charter school. We initially decided that we Lars needed to switch from the small charter school to the huge regular public middle school. Once that decision was made, we eventually decided it would be best for all the kids to make one switch for all. We bit the bullet and pulled them out of the safe, small, familiar, charming community of the charter school. Right about now, you may be wondering what the school business has to do with our marriage.....I'm getting to it. This is how I tell stories, sorry. This is why I don't write fiction.

Because the charter school is small, there's lots of needs, and because I'm a stay-at-home mom, I had time available to help meet some of those needs. I felt obligated to help. Because I was available, and capable.....I was at the school every day, just about, for one thing or another. I thought I was doing things that were good for the school, therefore good for my kids, therefore a good use of my time. Maybe, maybe not. I was overwhelmed, busy, tired, running around like a crazy woman at times, missing opportunities to truly engage with Scott. I learned so much through it about myself, though. I don't regret last year, but I'm so glad this year is different.

With all the talking, thinking, praying about the kids making a smooth adjustment to a new school, I really underestimated the impact that switching schools would have on me. The huge school doesn't need me. I can jump in anytime I want, but there isn't the same kind of desperation. For the first time in years, I am a stay-at-home mom, who actually stays home.

I didn't mean to say STOP, I didn't even see it coming. I kind of backed my way into it. You know in Evan Almighty, how 'God' says to the wife that when you pray and ask for patience, He's going to give you opportunities to be patient? Kind of like that, I had been praying for direction. I thought that He would give me a "thing," something to do that I would know with clarity was from Him. Maybe a job or writing assignment, or volunteer opportunity that was a perfect fit. He didn't. He gave me no things. Instead, He gave me back my home, husband, and family...only. God gave me the gift of clearing my plate. And here is where is connects to our marriage. We don't have to run through our whole lives with our heads down as things come pelting us. We can slow it down. (or we can pray and ask for help with slowing it down.) We can make sure we're being intentional. We can take the time to love each other, and to realize the beauty of it all.