Magic School Bus

How can it be that the bus stop stirs up so much in me? Am I a kook? That's a rhetorical question. There is something about the kids walking away, going somewhere else, away from me, to grow and learn... I have a love/hate thing going with it. I love that they're becoming their own people, going off into the world for just a little while. I hate that it's a reminder that someday they'll do it for real. They'll grow all the way up, or at least go all the way away. Their care will be beyond my jurisdiction.

I was thinking this morning about how my kids walk to the bus stop differently in the mornings:
I have one who wants me to be at the bus stop, or be watching it until the bus comes. Love that I'm still wanted, "needed," and you know, a little fresh air won't kill me in the morning. Hate that I'm often in the driveway or walking down the street in my jammies, that the weather is getting yukky, and hate that I suspect a little bit of a power/control thing, getting mom to do our bidding.

I have another one who kisses me good bye, professes love for me, and walks out the door, never looking back. Love the confidence, and the readiness to start the day. I like to think some of it comes from knowing there's love at home. Hate that there isn't even one tiny bit of needing me once the threshold has been crossed. I feel out of sight and out of mind.

And finally, I have one who bounds out the door, adjusting jacket and backpack, all a little discombobulated, gets to the end of the driveway, turns and goes about 10 paces or so down the street, and ALWAYS, like a reflex, looks back to see if I'm watching, and gives me a wave. Ok, I just love everything about this departure. It makes me smile every morning. But I still get that squishy feeling as the steps take my baby farther and farther away.

The Bible reminds us in Ecclesiastes that there is a time for love, and a time for hate. It doesn't mention this battle in my heart where I'm engaged in both at the same time. But that same passage in the third chapter is about seasons. I think my struggle is now and has often been to fully appreciate the season that I'm in right now. Not anxiously awaiting the next thing, and being completely IN the season I'm in. So maybe loving and hating simultaneously is how I do it. I don't know.

At the end of his whole "there's a time for this and a time for that" message, Solomon says, "What do people really get for all their hard work? I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God." (Ecclesiastes 3:9-13)NLT

Oh Lord, help me enjoy the gifts that these children are, and help me to remember the WHOLE SCOPE of Your work, here on our street, in our home, in our lives.

And, Action!

I was reminded again today of how very, very important it is to keep a record of the things God is doing in your life. Some call this "journaling." Some people can do that, and some really enjoy writing out their prayers, or dumping feelings all over a page. If that's not you, don't sweat it. Does the very mention of the j-word make you twitchy? Let me offer some encouragement to you.

For starters, call it something else! It can be just a pad of paper, or a folder full of scraps of paper, written in the car in a hurry. And take the pressure off of yourself to meaningfully write beautiful prose.... You can jot down a few words that will be a reminder to you. Bullet points are a beautiful thing; you don't have to write a whole story. It's for you, so no need to impress anyone, ya know? Think of facebook status updates, or tweets on twitter. Did God open the door today for you to have a conversation with someone? Did you see an answered prayer? One sentence will do.

Jesus warned about getting stuck spiritually in His parable about the farmer scattering seeds. When he explained the meaning of the parable to His disciples, He said, "The seeds that fell among the thorns represent those who hear the message, but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the cares and riches and pleasures of this life. And so they never grow into maturity." (Luke 8:14 NLT) This life is full of legitimate cares. Bills have to be paid, kids have to be taken care of, work has to be done. In all those cares, we can rejoice in the moment of seeing God's activity, and then bounce right on to the next care. Remembering His love and activity can help keep those cares from crowding out His Good News.

There is such value in having a tangible record of God's activity that you can hold in your hands, look back at and remember, and see what He did. When you're keeping track, you'll be amazed at how His work in you starts to stack up! And what a blessing, during times of doubt and questioning, to be able to look back and see proof, to read in your own handwriting what He did in your life. He was active in the past and He is active today.

Can I Hear You Now?

Scott spent an intense 3 days in Berkeley, CA at a seminar titled, "Unlearning Racism" last weekend. He arrived home at about 1:00 Monday morning, and had to go to work after a few hours sleep, so there hasn't been a lot of time for him to tell me all about it. It was one of those "hard-to-put it-into-words" kind of deals. Bits and pieces are coming out of him....

One of the important lessons he has shared with me is about how people listen to each other. There are things we do, in conversation, that shut down communication. Sometimes we shut it down because there are things that just seem too hard to talk about or hear, or we can just be so busy with our eyes on our own selves that we close the door on someone else's story.

This makes me wonder about my own conversations with God. Am I shutting His voice down? Where are my eyes looking? Something to think about.

Where to Begin?

Oh, the things I've been meaning to do: e-mails that need to be sent, the stack of books to read, the linen closet that is screaming for reorganization, and on and on. It's amazing to me how the days slip by, the immediate needs pressing for attention just crowd out all the other stuff. All those things I've been meaning to do are left untouched, after weeks. I want to use the time God's given me well. I want to be in an obedient posture, ready for God to use me wherever He may lead, and yet I feel whole days and weeks get eaten up by the events of today or prepping for tomorrow.

Sometimes my reaction to this is to be stubborn about the calendar. I get sort of passive/aggressive with it, unwilling to fill up the month, but that's silly. We need to have the soccer games written on there, or else I end up having us in two places at once. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, and start making lists so I can feel some control. Scott and I heard in a Sunday School class once years ago that what Satan does is "rob us of the now." How true. I want to remember that this is the day that the LORD made, I want to rejoice and be glad in it.

The best way to do that, for me, is to start the day with Him. Begin with my eyes looking up, rather than at the calendar and lists... so easy to say, but harder to drag myself out of bed in the dark to get those few moments before the pressing begins. It's worked for me in the past, so with the new school year, I'm getting back on track! Decided to start reading some books of the Bible I've never read before.. Joel, Amos & Obediah. I'll go through them slowly, and ask Him to show me what I need to see. He honors that prayer. Everytime.

Family Adventure!

We call it a "Family Adventure" when we're off to try something we haven't done before, or when the plans aren't completely solid and we'll be winging it. It's sort of a signal to the kids that we don't have all the answers, and we'll all find out as we go. Yesterday, we were racing to get home from my parents house (an almost 4 hour drive) so the boys would be home in time for their fantasy football draft (or some such thing).

Scott and I have noticed over the last couple of months that our gas gauge (an old-fashioned needle kind) is acting a little quirky in its old age... you know where this is going, right? I was driving along with the cruise set at about 74mph, and the gas thingy said we had more than half a tank, which I knew wasn't right, since we'd been driving 2 hours and had a half tank when we pulled out of my parents' driveway. We were about 5 miles away from the oasis, and had decided we'd better stop and fill up, since how much gas we had was a bit of a mystery. (and mama had to go potty) Yeah. Well. I've never run out of gas before, until yesterday.

The cruise was still on, but the spedometer started creeping down. I turned off the cruise, stepped on the gas pedal, and it kept going down!! THEN, the low fuel light goes on and the needle is below the E. Um, yes. Thank you very much Mr. Indicator Light. I turned on the hazards, made my way over to the shoulder, and Scott and I are frantically searching our brains for everything we've ever learned about what to do when you run out of gas. Turn off the air, radio, and dvd player. Jiggle the steering wheel to move those last few drops of gas around in the tank, just let her roll down the road as far as she'll go...

I coasted down the shoulder with the hazards blinking, until Scott saw a house near the highway, on the other side of the tall grasses and barbed-wire fence. "Stop here! Maybe I can get some help at this house." So Scott jumps out to go look for help, and I turn around and start praying with the kids. "OK, well, you know what this is? It's a Family Adventure!" The people in the house were actually in their driveway, getting ready to leave, and Scott waved and yelled, and they noticed him (Yay!) but alas, they did not think they had any gas. A few minutes pass by, Scott waiting by the fence, them looking around to see what they can find, me and the kids praying and waiting...

They found a little gas can with a couple of inches of gas in it, handed it over the fence, and we all hoped and prayed it would be enough. The VERY helpful Good Samaritan guy on the other side of the fence thought if we could get it started, we'd be able to make it the 3 miles to the oasis. Scott poured every drop out of that baby into our tank, ran back with the empty can to our rescuers, ran back to the car, and after 3 attempts, the fourth time the engine turned over. Insert HUGE deep breath here. We made our way to the gas station, still praying and thanking God for the help, had to wait in line for an open pump !!! and finally filled up our trusty blue steed.

And now for the reason why I would tell you this story: It's the reason I started this blog in the first place, to bear witness to the ways God is active in our lives. We saw God provide for us in a million ways yesterday! WHERE we ran out of gas was a gift; WHEN we ran out was a gift--a few minutes later and those folks would not have been home; even the fact that Scott was wearing the brightest golf shirt he owns yesterday is a gift--the friendly people saw him at the fence, and the trucks whizzing by while he was pouring the gas saw him from far away. The whole ordeal really only cost us about 15 minutes. That's incredible. And that's what God does, He does things we can't wrap our minds around. He is miraculous! When we're part of His family, the Adventures are the greatest.

Goodbye, John Hughes

I am 41 years old, went to high school in the northern suburbs of Chicago, and in 1984, when Sixteen Candles came out, I was a sophomore. It actually came out on VHS when we all turned sixteen, and we watched it over and over and over at Polly's house. So of course, I am and always have been a huge John Hughes fan.

So sad to hear of his sudden passing, because I always hoped he'd write one more thing--a book or movie, whatever--that would teach some more lessons he's learned in life. He wrote such great, true characters, and told their stories in an honest way. I say hooray for him that he left Hollywood and it's crap.

All the talk these last few days have been about the teen angst movies, which were great and perfectly timed for me, but my all-time favorite John Hughes movie is She's Having a Baby. I posted about it before here. I just thought that I'd sing the praises once more of this beautiful picture of marriage, cuz, as usual, the press is all about the easiest, biggest, and most obvious.

Here's a link to a great story about him and a girl who became his pen pal for a couple of years...

It's Been Such a Long Time...

Life is noisier in the summer. It feels like I'm always trying to catch up... the laundry, the mess, the food... I have trouble stringing two thoughts together. We blow in and out of town and the summer keeps rolling by; the kids' legs keep getting longer. Evidence of God's activity in my life? It's everywhere. This home, this family, this noisy-for-a-season life.