Ups and Downs

Here at our house, we are the reluctant caretakers of a gecko. His name is Spike.

A friend discovered this poor gecko when she almost stepped on him (it?) in her garage. He clearly either broke free or was let go, because no geckos live round these parts on their own. So, she put him in a 5-gallon bucket and asked Luke if he'd like a new pet. She had an old fish tank and everything! Luke thought this gecko would surely not live long after such a harrowing journey, so he said sure, he'd take it. He was thinking that after the gecko departed, he'd be able to talk me into some other kind of icky lizard-y, reptile thing he really wants, since we would have already invested in a lovely reptile-y, lizard-friendly environment. But Spike lives on!

Despite our neglect and complete lack of knowledge regarding his care, he has been with us for several months now. Every so often I remember he's here (he lives in the boys' room) and think, "Gee, maybe we should get some crickets," and several days later I get around to buying those crickets. He's got to be starving to death, but I guess these desert creatures can live on very little.

Admittedly, I know next to nothing about geckos, but I've observed that when it's been a while since he's been fed, Spike has trouble catching those first couple of crickets. Is he going blind? I don't know, maybe. But it seems like once he's had a few, he's better at catching them. I have a theory; I think he needs the strength from the first bit of food to be able to catch more food. Or maybe he's out of the habit? Needs to relearn how to use those skills?

I can be a bit like Spike. When digging into the Bible is neglected, it's that much harder for me to establish the habit of doing it. When I haven't been writing regularly, it is so hard to get into the groove. I have to look at the world differently, notice God's activity all around me, think of how to share it. And, once I do get going, I can keep it going, just like Spike. I'd rather live a more 3 meals-a-day, regular diet of Scripture and allowing-God-to-use-me-everyday kind of life. This letting myself get to a point of near starvation, then struggling to survive is just not ideal. But my selfishness and laziness pull me away from what is best. Ugh.

And so, taking the step of obedience to day, and looking to take it again tomorrow and the next day....

Election Day

Before I left the house to vote today, I was a bit discouraged, feeling like all I was really doing was going out to cancel out the vote of someone I disagree with. It felt like the whole thing is silly, that the idea of me getting to have a voice is kind of ridiculous; it's really just a bunch of us canceling each other's voices out. Not a glass-half-full point of view. But I went to vote anyway, if only so that I could answer my children in the affirmative when they will surely ask me tonight if I've taken advantage of my civic opportunity.

Upon entering the polling place, I felt kind of like I do in the airport security line. This is not a place to make jokes, and here, in this place, at this time, you don't have the freedom to say anything that enters your mind. I filled in all my circles and turned in my ballot, and as I walked out to my car afterwards, I was overcome with a swoosh of emotion. (Isn't "swoosh" a word Nike invented? Bear with me. The writing muscles are a little rusty. ha! Metaphor mixer, am I!) Something about the seriousness of the election judges, the lack of freedom of speech in a polling place just made the freedom to vote so powerful to me. I AM so proud to be able to vote. That sticker rocks! I am so blessed to have been born when I was, where I was. It just struck me anew, walking through that parking lot.

When I think of being careful to notice the gifts God has given me, and to remember what he has done, how can I take this gigantic one for granted? I do, so easily... LORD, help me to be aware of You, and all You are doing.

Whadya Get?

As of this afternoon, our house has officially recovered from Halloween. We usually have a big group that trick-or-treats together every year in our neighborhood, and we have something warm to eat afterwards. Now the dishes are clean and put away, the candy wrappers and bits of candy and crushed leaves have been vacuumed.

I think my favorite part of the whole deal is the candy sorting and swapping that takes place after trick-or-treating. The rustling of the wrappers, the kids thrilled with their haul; everyone's a winner, giving away what they don't like, and getting piles of what they do like. After everyone was gone last night, our three kids were down in the basement, still counting, sorting and sharing with each other. They even made a bucket full of candy for us, with a few of our favorites.

There is something about a big pile of candy to call your own that brings out the best in us all, right? They were so happy, getting along so well. There they sat, surrounded by what they'd been given, running their fingers through the piles of loot, and the kindness and good will overflowed.

Makes me think of 1 John 4:19, where it says "We love, because He first loved us." In those moments when I get a glimpse of what He's done for me, what He's given, what I have because of Him, when I take a minute to run my fingers through it... then the love overflows for others around me. I'm really trying to be aware of God's activity around me, to take note and remember it!

Back in the Saddle

Writers write. That's what they say. I haven't written in forever. I've been reminded this week of the concept of a long obedience. It's the idea that obedience isn't always a one-shot deal. Many times, life as a follower of Christ requires obeying today, and again tomorrow, and the next day, and so on. It comes from a quote by Friedrich Nietzsche that goes something like this: "The essential thing "in heaven and earth" is...that there should be a long obedience in the same direction; there thereby results, and has always resulted in the long run, something which has made life worth living."

Writing is a weird thing for me. It's a gift I've been given, I think, and so, I'm supposed to use it to build up and benefit the body of Christ. I haven't been using it, for lots of different reasons, but I think they all boil down to really not being obedient. I'm a gonna' get back on the horse. I'm going to try to obey in that "long obedience in a same direction" way... today, and again tomorrow, and so on. Except not actually tomorrow, ha! Monday through Friday, so there ya go. That's my explanation for why I'm back. And since I created this blog long ago to be a place where I share God's activity in and around me, I guess I'll get to it.

Earlier this week, we had some serious weather. Wind, mostly. 70 mile-per-hour gusts. It was positively spooky to be outside; things that were supposed to be still were flying all around, trees down, construction barrels rolling this way and that. Luckily for Lily's teacher at school, this was the week they were studying weather in science. Lily made a beautiful chart where she tracked the wind speed and temperature. She thought it was so funny to see completely different things outside depending on whether you looked out the front window or the back window. In the front, the tree has not one single leaf left, and the branches don't look like they move much in the wind. In the back, wow, could you see the weather! The big maple, whose leaves haven't even changed color yet, looked like someone with crazy hair blowing all over.


My, how appearances can deceive. The wind was windy everywhere, front and back. But it didn't look like that when you looked out the front window, because there wasn't much catching the wind. How many times, and in how many ways do I think I know what I'm seeing, forgetting that I have a limited perspective? Changing our perspective, where and how we look at things makes all the difference. We make decisions based on what we see, from our perspective. And God's perspective? Right, He can see everything, front and back.

Flour in my Hair

The little drummer boy has always been right there with Santa and Rudolph in my mind... made up characters that are all over Christmas, but don't really have much to do with the real story of Christmas. That little fella has been more annoying, however, because he claims to be part of the birth of Christ, but he's a fake! He wasn't there, he's not in the Bible anywhere.

But I was listening to my favorite cookie-baking CD today, Mercy Me's The Christmas Sessions, and was struck by that little dummer boy. There I was, minding my own business, trying to get another thing checked off of my ginormous Christmas to-do list, and he smacked me right up side the head. Something about Mercy Me's version, I think, because in the chorus, there's less emphasis on the Rum pa pum pum, and more on asking, "Shall I play for you?" And the final line of the song they sing, "I played my best for Christ, then He smiled at me."

Hmmm. There I was elbows deep in flour and mess, trying to make these cookies that are ridiculously hard to manage, thinking about what else needs to be done--and for what? Is it for Him? Oh how easy it is to get caught up with the wrong motivations. And how He longs to smile at us when we have our eyes in the right direction.

And here I've been giving the little drummer boy a bad rap for being a Christmas fake. May we all play our best for Christ, during the Christmas Season, and throughout the year.





photo credit to Lacey Dahlstrom

I Give Up

Surrender sounds like a passive word. Seems like it's another way of saying, "do nothing." In this adventure of trying to be a fully committed follower of Christ, to be His, there's a lot of surrendering goin' on. I must surrender my will, my self, my picture of how things should turn out, my grudges--lay it all down and trust Him to take care of it. Surrendering is something I've thought about and written about, and been working to do for quite a while. And that's the way it's supposed to be, Jesus said we'll need to do it daily. Surrendering isn't a check on the to-do list, it's a way of living.

The new ah-hah moment for me this past weekend is this: surrendering is NOT passive. It isn't doing nothing at all. Waving the white flag isn't doing nothing, walking across the lines and holding up your hands, that isn't nothing. That's taking steps in a new, different direction. And it's scary. Maybe a little lonely. And there's some loss involved, so it's sad, there may be some grieving.

Sometimes surrendering is a relief. There's all this stuff, this burden I've been carrying around, and thank You, Jesus, I can lay it all down before You. There's a freeing lightening of the big, heavy load. But this weekend, I've felt this fear, loneliness, and sadness. It's been troubling, and I've been asking God what's the deal? Where's the joy? I'm trying so hard to surrender, where's the pay-off?

But I'm thinking this morning, that maybe this is what surrender feels like, too. Really giving something up means a real death of sorts. And really trusting, really having faith, is believing God has something so much better for me than my dreams when I kind of liked them, and miss them for a while.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

I was just saying to Scott last night that one of our cats, Greta, has never mastered that getting-out-of-the-way thing that cats typically do. Usually, cats slink around and anticipate your moves, sliding out of the way at the last second. Not Greta. She gets stepped on regularly, and she places herself right in the middle of doorways and stairs. We are often contorting ourselves to step around her. Goofy cat.

She likes to be right in the thick of things. This is especially true if she thinks she might be able to see the bottom of her dish, if she feels it may be coming perilously close to empty. Regardless of the state of her dish, though, she follows me around and I am always in her line of sight. Not big on meowing--unless you pick her up or step on her--she just makes her presence known by getting in the way. It occurs to me this morning that she may be on to something.

Ever notice how sometimes everything you read and hear is sending the same message? I'm doing a Beth Moore Bible study of the book of Esther, our series at church has been on the last chapter of Philippians and all about joy, and I just finished Phil Vischer's book, Me, Myself and Bob, about the rise and fall of the company he started, Big Idea, makers of VeggieTales. God has a beautiful way of getting His message through, loud and clear--even if it takes three different messengers! (and if you count Greta, four)

So here's what I've been hearing: We have to get to the place where only God is enough. He have to wait on Him, not the stuff, event, job, etc. Waiting on Him means giving up ALL the self stuff, including our dreams, even dreams He may have given us, and being completely and totally about Him. Loving with all we've got and all we are: mind, heart, soul, strength. I believe this with my head, I have for years. But living it out in a practical way is tougher for me. I don't know exactly what it looks like to wait on the LORD every moment, you know, while doing laundry, making lunches and racing for the bus, being a chauffeur, vacuuming, shopping, taking a shower, reading or watching tv, whatever....

Yes, I can be prayerful while I do these things, and sometimes I do a good job there. But waiting on HIM, rather than the next thing is kind of what was an eye-opener for me. I don't like the waiting part, I like the results part. But in the waiting is where we hear and see Him. If we don't wait, we miss it, our focus not on Him, but on the results.

And then I see Greta. She waits on me. She is singularly focused, following me, looking at me, watching for where I'll go next, gets in my face and makes me love her. Even as she's doing other things, like watching the squirrels out the window, she has one ear cocked toward me. Even when the dish is full. Maybe that's how I need to wait on the LORD. Singularly focused on Him, always listening for His direction, always looking for Him. And even if I'm in His way, He won't step on me, He'll redirect me. "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." Proverbs 37:23 NLT Wow, He is so good.